Skip navigation

Category Archives: ponderings

I really like charcuterie plates/boards. I know that they’re generally served as appetizers buuuut…I like to eat them as a meal in itself. Pair it with some crusty bread or crackers, maybe some seasonal fruit, nuts, pickles, and/or spreads, and you’ve got a pretty complete meal. It’s a little heavy on the protein side, but that’s ok now and again.

Now if you think about it, the main players of a charcuterie board involves some cured meats, cheese, and crackers/bread. What else can you think of that involves meat, cheese, and crackers? Maybe…Lunchables? Charcuterie boards are totally adult Lunchables.

I actually tried googling this to see if anyone else has ever made this connection. I guess not. At least, I didn’t find anything in my brief period of research. I did find that there are a LOT of different Lunchables now. You have the normal ones like what you remember from a kid. But you have Lunchables with Drink, Lunchables with 100% Juice, Lunchables without Drink, Lunchables Uploaded with Drink, Lunchables Snacks, Lunchables Uploaded Snacks… That’s a lot of different combinations of Lunchables. And I guess the Uploaded ones are the Lunchables marketed to teens? I didn’t realize there were so many different types of Lunchables. I remember them fondly. But I also remember them as subpar salty meat and cheese. I liked the crackers a lot though.

In my search to see if anyone else thinks charcuterie boards are like adult Lunchables, I found that there actually are Lunchables marketed to adults. Only they’re not branded as Lunchables. Because I guess that would make adults feel shame that they were buying Lunchables for themselves. Or maybe because adults care more about things like sodium content (and the sodium content on Lunchables can get pretty high). Or the fact that the quality of the meat discs and cheese really weren’t the greatest. Maybe adults are just snobby. Anyway, Lunchables marketed to adults are branded P3. Which…is kind of a dumb name. But it stands for Portable Protein Packs. I am rolling my eyes right now. Even their domain name is dumb.

But anyway, P3 boxes generally contain meat and cheese, but the crackers are often replaced with nuts. Because…it’s a portable protein pack, not a portable protein and carb pack. That second one probably wouldn’t sell too well. For some reason, people are terrified of carbs. Carbs are fine. In moderation. And when the bulk of your carbs aren’t coming from refined and/or processed food. But I digress.

There are a bunch of different P3 varieties too. You have the Original, which seem like possibly better quality (non-disc) meat (generally turkey), probably the same quality cheese as you find in Lunchables, and nuts. There are the Nut Medleys, which seem like more of the same. Then you have Fruit Medleys, which replace the meat with dried fruit. And finally, Deli Snackers, where the nuts have been replaced with another kind of meat.

None of these look all that appetizing. If these are what are officially being offered as adult Lunchables, I will continue with charcuterie boards as my adult Lunchables. Kthx.

Advertisements

The other day, I was in the car with my sister and brother-in-law (bil) and as we were talking, we were interrupted by the obnoxious throaty rumbling of a high end sports car. Not that the rumbling of a sports car is obnoxious, but the guy driving the car was being obnoxious and revving the car for no apparent reason other than to be loud.

My sister declared that people driving really high end sports cars (and probably those who are being obnoxious about it) are suffering from mid-life crises. But as the car passed us and we looked over, it was a pretty young guy who was driving. He looked young enough to be having a quarter-life crisis. So she amended her comment to just some kind of life crisis, not necessarily mid-life.

Bil wondered if anyone really thought about the age implication of saying “mid-life crisis” and if it was really just a general term. I thought about it and decided that I’m going to just use random fractions from now on to describe life crises and 1) see if anyone notices and 2) see if they actually think about the fraction.

I don’t mean I’ll be using “normal” fractions either. Quarter-, third-life crises are too bland. People are familiar with these fractions (I would hope). No, I’m going to say things like 3/16-life crisis and observe if people are actually going to think about the age range a 3/16-life crisis would imply and then try and match it to the age of the person going through the person. Like, if I applied a 3/16-life crisis to myself, people should think that I’m being pretty optimistic about my life-expectancy. Foolishly optimistic. Because I don’t think the oldest human in recent history has lived much past 120 years of age.

But I won’t just be using ridiculously small fractions in relation to age. I’ll be using abnormally large ones too. Like a 7/8-life crisis. If I were to apply a 7/8-life crisis to myself, people really should look concerned or at least think I have a very morbid sense of humor (I do, btw).

I very much would like to start doing this. I just need to figure out a way to steer conversations to life crises more often.

Oh, yeah. Do you think [some very young guy] is having their 33/64-life crisis? I feel bad for him…

How about [this other old dude]? I think he’s having a 13/172-life crisis…

This…amuses me more than it should.