I think I found a new superpower. I see spiders on coworkers. Not like fake spiders. I’m not hallucinating spiders on people. I just seem to have a knack for seeing a spider crawling over my coworkers. And by knack, I mean that I’ve seen it happen twice. (Also, there are no pictures of spiders in this post.)
The second time happened just recently. I was at lunch with my PM, whom I will call 💄 (yes there is a reason behind my choice in emoji, no I won’t explain what it is), inside a relatively nice restaurant. He was talking to me about a project when I looked up and saw a small jumping spider crawling across his chest. True to form, I didn’t say anything right away. It was a jumping spider after all. I thought maybe it would jump off. But no, it continued on its merry way all the way up to his collar. At that point, I decided that it would be a good idea to say something. I figured my PM would probably start if he felt the spider crawl onto his neck and then maybe he’d fling the spider into someone’s food and cause a big commotion. I try and avoid big commotions.
The thing was, he was talking and kept talking. I don’t really like to interrupt people. Also, it’s hard for me to interrupt people. They generally don’t hear me. But I figured I really needed to make an effort to let him know that there was a spider on his collar.
When I finally got his attention, as he didn’t really need to pay attention to me to tell me about the project, it took longer than I expected to convey the information that there was a spider on his collar. First of all, it took a while for him to understand that there was a spider on his shirt. Then it took longer for him to understand that it was on his collar.
Me: [💄], there’s a spider on your shirt.
💄: What? Anyway, I think we will need the software—
Me: Really, there’s a spider on your shirt. It’s on your collar.
💄: Huh? About the software, have you used it before?
Me: Spider. On your shirt. Collar. [points to collar]
💄: Oh, there’s a spider on me? [brushes at shoulder]
Me: No, on your collar. [points to collar]
💄: Huh? [brushes at chest]
Me: Collar! [points to collar]
💄: [brushes at sleeve]
Me: The spider is on your collar!
💄: Oh, my collar? [looks at collar, sees spider, calmly brushes spider off] It’s a jumping spider.
Me: Yes, it is a jumping spider. [secretly impressed 💄 knows it’s a jumping spider; immediately makes mental comparisons to previous spider-on-coworker incident]
Overall, I was quite amused by the incident. 💄’s demeanor was quite different from Mr. Arachnid’s. There was no stiffening in surprise. 💄 was calm and relaxed and nonchalant about the whole ordeal. But he also completely was not listening to me otherwise the incident would have been over much quicker. Perhaps it was also slightly infuriating since he was listening but totally not listening to me at the same time. At least Mr. Arachnid listened and then later told me that I should tell him such things sooner so that “we can plan a course of action.” I am still very entertained by that line.
As it was, 💄 brushed the spider off into the aisle and there possibly was a waiter walking by at the time. I don’t really remember. The spider might have made it onto someone’s food despite all my effort. Sugh.