Skip navigation

Tag Archives: superpowers

Hi…I’m back.  I think.  Hopefully.  Going to try the once a week posting schedule again.  I guess I’ll see how well I can keep it up.  I guess?  Anyway, here’s a story about how I don’t exist.

A-pusher was sneak promoted recently at work. I say sneak promoted because THEM, at least in the LA area, has this thing about not telling people they’re going to be promoted beforehand and also not working out any of the details that go along with a promotion and just surprising them with some kind of promotion celebration. Normally a dinner at a restaurant. It’s supposed to be this big secret…but people here aren’t that subtle or good at keeping secrets.

So…this happened to A-pusher recently and she found out about all of this. Because she found out about it, we were able to talk openly about how dumb sneak promotions are and how we didn’t like these celebratory dinner things. As it turns out, A-pusher’s family isn’t huge on these sneak celebratory dinners either and they told A-pusher that at least they finally get to meet this “[Moose]” A-pushers speaks of.

You see, A-pusher and I have fairly similar interests. We both like to cook, bake, sew, craft, etc etc. We’re both trained electrical engineers. We’re both pretty good controls engineers. So we sometimes end up in each other’s conversations with other people. In A-pusher’s case, conversation often has to do a lot with food. And A-pusher’s family were supposedly finally going to be able to put a face to my name.

Except…not.

Because I didn’t go. Psh, you didn’t think I’d attend such a social event, did you? Because I didn’t.

However, I did find out beforehand that A-pusher’s family wanted to meet me, so I worked it out beforehand with a few of our coworkers that they would introduce themselves as…themselves, but then also as me. Like…”Hi, I’m [Pengy]. Also, I’m [Moose].” This concept and the accompanying mental image of all of this playing out was vastly amusing to me.

I checked in with A-pusher and some of our coworkers the next day and the result was we have all decided that I’m A-pusher’s imaginary friend. It turns out that pretty unknowingly played into the game by recounting a story of lemon tarts. I guess pretty has the same imaginary friend as A-pusher.

Perhaps you’re wondering why no one showed A-pusher’s family a photo of me. Duh, because none exist. This was bewildering to A-pusher’s sister. She apparently demanded why no one had a picture of me. I guess the general excuse was that no one would dare try to take a photo of me. 👍

But I quite like this idea that I’m the imaginary friend. I am SO. AMUSED. by this idea. I’m not entirely sure why. I wonder if this is a newfound super power: the ability to become someone’s imaginary friend. I will have the think about this.

Advertisements

Yes, that’s right.  Talking about food.  You might think that isn’t a real superpower.  But let me present you with the following conversation:

A-pusher: So I’m sitting here talking with my bfs aunt and uncles…  And I somehow managed to turn [the] conversation to food 😂😂😂😂

Me: 😂😂😂

A-pusher: I think this is my secret power

Me: Yes yes.  Not so secret though.  It must be a super power.
Like, a super villain has his laser gun pointed at you and is totes about to pull the trigger but then you’re all like, but what about hot dogs???  And he’s immediately like, ooooh, hot dogs, with deli mustard!!

A-pusher: Yes yes. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

See how useful it could be?  You’re facing imminent death at the hand of your arch enemy, but you immediately distract him with thoughts of food and you’re free to make your escape.  Or have your sidekick come and help you out or something.  Whatevs.  Actually, since this is a conversation about food, I guess you have to get your sidekick to come in and take over the conversation while you make your escape.  You can rescue your sidekick later.

So really, I know that this is just a highly specific instance of distraction.  I’m sure there are superheros with the highly developed skill of distraction, to the point where it could be a superpower.  I can’t think of any right now, but I’m sure there’s one in existence.

Well, A-pusher happens to have this superpower but it only works with food.  Of course, being such a specific superpower…I have to wonder how well it could be applied to certain situations.  Like, what about zombies?  I mean sure, you can distract any living, human super villain with a conversation about food and probably an animal super villain.  But…zombies?  They’re not so much motivated by food, just brains.  I think most people don’t consider brains to be food.  And are zombies even eating brains for sustenance?  If they’re not, could brains even be considered food to zombies?  I guess like any good superpower, it’s going to have to be applied with some judicious loopholery.

And yes…that’s totally how A-pusher and I talk to each other.