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Tag Archives: choco

How to survive a zombie apocalypse with a scaredy-dog (2)

You’ll remember part 1.  Yaris was just barely out of her puppyhood and Choco was sneaking around just like in her prime.

Well, times have changed.  Yaris is no longer a puppy.  You can tell because she’s actually gotten much more stealthy.  She’s no Choco in terms of stealth, but her stealth rating is no longer negative.  It’s probably in the ones.  Maybe the low tens.

Yaris is also not quite as skittish as before.  I would say she’s still be considered a scaredy-dog though.  Completely useless to the military.

Choco…unfortunately is no longer around.  I can’t depend on her level-headedness and stealthiness in the event of a zombie apocalypse anymore.  It’s a huge loss to the team.  Yaris will really have to step up her game.

But besides losing such a critical member of the team, we’ve gained one.  And this one…I do not have high hopes for.

Horse’s stealth level is probably lower than Yaris’ as a puppy.  He makes a great show of being stealthy, but I doubt zombies would be much impressed by a show of stealthiness.  The zombies would probably be attracted by the show of stealthiness.  This is not desirable.

As far as I can tell, he doesn’t have Horse beam or anything related.  Yaris still has her Yaris beam.  Choco did have fully developed Choco beam.  I found out because I caught her using it one time.  Horse has…the ability to put up invisible barriers of force to impede his entry into the house.  It might be one of the most useless abilities ever.

He will go outside for some water and then suddenly be stuck outside and all he can do is sit next to the doggy door and whine.  The doggy door is not blocked (I did end up getting a bigger one so Horse could get in and out of the house easier).  Yaris is able to go in and out of the doggy door just fine.  But Horse…he’s stuck outside.

And it doesn’t seem that he has the ability to tear down these invisible barriers of force.  Yaris is completely unaffected by them, so I guess she can’t help him.  It seems that I have the ability to tear down his barriers.  They seem to dissipate on their own sometimes too.  But I just can’t understand why he puts them up to begin with.

I’m pretty sure he’ll end up putting up these barriers when we’re hunkering down in hiding spots during the zombie apocalypse.  Horse will get stuck outside and then he’ll whine because he wants to be inside with Yaris and me.  Then he’ll end up attracting the zombies.  He might then try to make a big show of being stealthy and attract even more zombies.  Horse…is a huge liability.

I’m not really sure what I can do with Horse.  He’s only been around for a few months.  Maybe he needs breaking in period.  Maybe we just need to get to know each other better and figure out each one’s strengths.  But if the zombie apocalypse happens before we can figure everything out, I’ll probably just have to cut my losses and take Yaris with me and leave.

Maybe if Horse is by himself, the zombies won’t bother him.  And he’s proven that he likes to graze on grass so he’ll be able to forage for food on his own.  If he wants to stay with Yaris and me, he’s going to have to prove that he has an ability other than putting up invisible barriers of force to impede his own entry into places.

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In which Horse thinks he’s fooled me good

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Horse is a really large chocolate lab. Seriously, really large. He has no business being as big as he is. He’s at least 4 inches taller than the breed standard. And he’s not just tall, he’s hefty. He was overweight when I got him and I’ve put him on a diet. He’s not out and out fat anymore, but he’s no lightweight. He’s big and lumbery and also not terribly bright (which isn’t related to his size, but it’s important to note that he’s not a very smart dog).

I am still in the process of getting a larger doggy door to accommodate Horse, so I haven’t bothered to teach him how to use the existing doggy door. Actually, I hadn’t realized that I would have to teach him. Yaris picked it up by watching Choco. Choco would go in and out, Yaris saw what was happening, and she started doing the same thing. Horse sees Yaris going in and out and Horse has gotten to the point where he can hold the flap open for himself after Yaris has gone through and squeeze himself through the doggy door that’s both too small and too short for him. But if the flap is closed, it might as well be a wall to him. He has no idea how to operate a doggy door.

But he has figured out that if he vigorously noses the sliding glass door, it’ll eventually open wide enough for him to slip in. He knows that he’s not supposed to be inside if I’ve specifically told him to stay outside, but he still really wants to be inside since Yaris gets to be inside. So, if he noses the sliding glass door open, he’ll try and tiptoe to his bed.

Try to imagine a dog as big as Horse tiptoeing. It doesn’t work. He looks absolutely ridiculous.

Often, while he’s tiptoeing to his bed, he’ll try and avoid eye contact with me because he knows he’s not supposed to be in the house. I’m going to assume that his reasoning is that if he doesn’t see me, I can’t see him. Most of my dogs have followed this logic. I have tried to explain to them that it doesn’t work like that. I haven’t gotten through to them.

Just the other day, this happened again. Horse was put outside and he really wanted to be inside. So he nosed the sliding glass door open and tiptoed to my room. He peered inside to make sure I wasn’t watching him (I could hear him peering through the door) and then he tiptoed to his bed, which is behind my desk. When he reached his bed, he quickly peeked over the desk to see if I had noticed. When he saw me watching him, he ducked down and tried to lay quietly on his bed so as not to attact attention. I didn’t say anything.

Then later, I had gotten up to wash a glass and also to close the door that Horse had opened. As I was sliding the door shut, Horse came running up saying “wait, wait, wait!” Then he hopped outside and told me he had been outside the whole time. He waited patiently outside while I was cleaning up the kitchen for me to open the door for him to let him in for the night. When I did so, he skipped joyfully into the house pretending as hard as he could like he had been outside the entire time like a good dog.

…

Why.