I really like charcuterie plates/boards. I know that they’re generally served as appetizers buuuut…I like to eat them as a meal in itself. Pair it with some crusty bread or crackers, maybe some seasonal fruit, nuts, pickles, and/or spreads, and you’ve got a pretty complete meal. It’s a little heavy on the protein side, but that’s ok now and again.
Now if you think about it, the main players of a charcuterie board involves some cured meats, cheese, and crackers/bread. What else can you think of that involves meat, cheese, and crackers? Maybe…Lunchables? Charcuterie boards are totally adult Lunchables.
I actually tried googling this to see if anyone else has ever made this connection. I guess not. At least, I didn’t find anything in my brief period of research. I did find that there are a LOT of different Lunchables now. You have the normal ones like what you remember from a kid. But you have Lunchables with Drink, Lunchables with 100% Juice, Lunchables without Drink, Lunchables Uploaded with Drink, Lunchables Snacks, Lunchables Uploaded Snacks… That’s a lot of different combinations of Lunchables. And I guess the Uploaded ones are the Lunchables marketed to teens? I didn’t realize there were so many different types of Lunchables. I remember them fondly. But I also remember them as subpar salty meat and cheese. I liked the crackers a lot though.
In my search to see if anyone else thinks charcuterie boards are like adult Lunchables, I found that there actually are Lunchables marketed to adults. Only they’re not branded as Lunchables. Because I guess that would make adults feel shame that they were buying Lunchables for themselves. Or maybe because adults care more about things like sodium content (and the sodium content on Lunchables can get pretty high). Or the fact that the quality of the meat discs and cheese really weren’t the greatest. Maybe adults are just snobby. Anyway, Lunchables marketed to adults are branded P3. Which…is kind of a dumb name. But it stands for Portable Protein Packs. I am rolling my eyes right now. Even their domain name is dumb.
But anyway, P3 boxes generally contain meat and cheese, but the crackers are often replaced with nuts. Because…it’s a portable protein pack, not a portable protein and carb pack. That second one probably wouldn’t sell too well. For some reason, people are terrified of carbs. Carbs are fine. In moderation. And when the bulk of your carbs aren’t coming from refined and/or processed food. But I digress.
There are a bunch of different P3 varieties too. You have the Original, which seem like possibly better quality (non-disc) meat (generally turkey), probably the same quality cheese as you find in Lunchables, and nuts. There are the Nut Medleys, which seem like more of the same. Then you have Fruit Medleys, which replace the meat with dried fruit. And finally, Deli Snackers, where the nuts have been replaced with another kind of meat.
None of these look all that appetizing. If these are what are officially being offered as adult Lunchables, I will continue with charcuterie boards as my adult Lunchables. Kthx.
Random moosages as I see fit. 