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Category Archives: ponderings

Do you really want eyes on the back of your head?

If you do, maybe you should first consider:

  • how you would brush your hair.  I doubt that stabbing your eyes with a comb or brush is pleasant.
  • how you would sleep.  You would no longer be able to sleep on your back.  Well, you could but only if you turned your head to the side.  I don’t really find that comfortable, but maybe you do. The whole situation just seems to be rife with opportunities to smash your eyes against the pillow though.  You should probably just sleep on your side for the rest of your life.
  • how you would have to drastically change your hairstyle.  This isn’t a problem if you’re bald or even if you had a buzz cut, but what if you have longer hair?  You’d have to try and see through your hair all the time.  You might think that you do ok now when your hair is in your face, but that’s not really the same as having hair growing out all around your eyes and you have to see through it.  It’s like if your eyelashes and eyebrows became suddenly, freakishly thick and long and you had to see through it all the time.  You’d have to shave at least the area around your eyes.  The hair on the top of your head could be parted to the side, I guess.  Probably would be safer just to shave the top of your head too.
  • how you would protect your eyes from dandruff.  It might cause eye infections.  What if you got pinkeye?  Your eyes would be all weepy and gross and it’d be getting into your hair and creating a big mess.
  • how you would wash your hair.  With your eyes in the middle of your hair like that, you’re bound to get shampoo in them all the time.  You might say that you can tilt your head forward instead, but then you’d be getting shampoo in your other set of eyes.
  • how you’d deal with the need for corrective glasses.  Ideally, you would have perfect vision, but really…how often does that happen?  So many people need corrective lenses and you probably will too.  So, your ears are facing forward and it would be hard to hook glasses onto them.  Also, you have no nose in the back of your head, so you can’t rest the glasses there for stability.  What if you need glasses for your forward facing eyes?  How would you manage two sets of glasses?  You might try wearing contacts, but then your arms don’t bend too well in that direction.  You’d probably just poke your eye out trying to put contacts into your backward facing eyes.  And what about sunglasses?  I don’t even know about those.  I guess people would have to wear something like a sweatband but with lenses built into both sides and you’d have to wear them low over your face.  Doesn’t sound that comfortable to me.
  • how you would apply makeup or eye creams or whatever.  I know a lot of people really dislike wrinkles around the eye area.  I would only assume that this would apply to all eye areas.  I think you’ll poke an eye out trying to put on makeup and such to your backward facing eyes.

I’m not trying to actively discourage you from getting eyes on the back of your head.  I just want to make sure that you’ve thought everything through.  I firmly believe that people should make informed choices.  Nod.

Hot dogs of a suspicious nature

[20:33:45] cherriebb515: I think what I really wanted for my kimchi fried rice was hot dogs.
[20:33:50] cherriebb515: but they come in too large a package.
[20:33:57] cherriebb515: And they sell suspicious ones at 99.

Suspicious hot dogs.  Hot dogs of a suspicious nature.

My imagination provides me with the image of  two individual, human-sized, grizzled hot dogs.  They are wearing dark trench coats, fedoras, and sunglasses.  The one in front has a lit cigarette hanging from his mouth.  They walk up to your house, somewhat hunched over with their hands in their coat pockets.  Occasionally, the hot dog without a cigarette looks furtively over his shoulder.  You watch them approach your front door from your darkened living room.  The one with the cigarette rings your doorbell.  You try and hide behind a couch, but it’s too late.  The other hot dog walked around the side of your house and saw you through your stupid lacy window dressings.  Seriously, why do you have lace on your windows?  Of what use are they?

Anyway, the first hot dog rings the doorbell again.  Having no choice now, you open the door.  The hot dog with the cigarette bids you a good day and asks if you’ve considered their proposition.  And…that’s it.  My imagination stopped there because I was distracted by something else.  SQUIRREL!