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Tag Archives: comics

The bears are coming for you…

I may have mentioned Axe Cop, one of my favorite comics ever (EVAR!), before.  Axe Cop is written by the brothers Nicolle and illustrated by the elder brother.  Well, the elder Axe Cop brother recently started a new comic, Bearmageddon, which I find quite enjoyable and pretty to look at.  The comic is about the all-out war between grizzly bears and humans.  He had mentioned that this was in the works before Axe Cop and that Axe Cop had just kind of…happened.  Well, what this really tells me is that he’s been doing research for awhile and now he’s warning us of what’s to come.  And not a moment too soon.

You see, the Bearmaggedon is real and we are entering into the first stages of it.  Have you read the news lately?  Here, let me help you.

  • There was a fatal grizzly attack in Yellowstone recently.  The second such attack this year.  Before then, the last fatal attack was 1986.  The bears are starting to ramp up their offensive.
  • One of the scouts was exposed and routed recently by this woman.
  • Here is a list of fatal bear attacks in North America from the 1870s on.
  • Anecdote: Recently phones and internet to my place of employment went down and we were basically without outside communication for the whole day.  There were some people outside my office up and down the street we’re on trimming trees.  What I believe was happening was that there was a bee farmer trying to get a hive of feral honey bees and then was eaten by a bear.  Bears desire honey, you see.  The bear that ate the bee farmer probably was tracking the hive of feral bees for himself and was upset that the bee farmer was trying to steal his bees.  And then there was a fight that knocked out our phone lines and internet for a whole day.  The bear may have done it on purpose.  Maybe he knows that I know about the Bearmageddon.  I should be careful.  But the message needs to get out all the same!

See?  It’s happening.  The bears are rallying and starting to deploy their scouts.  Soon, hordes of bears will be upon us!  I’m pretty sure it won’t be just the grizzlies either.  One of the articles mentioned a black bear.  The black bears make pretty good scouts, since they’re smaller.  They’ll probably have other roles when the war really starts.  I’m worried about the grolar bears.  Those are probably more dangerous than just polar bears or grizzlies alone.  They might be like the horrorsaurus, secret weapon of the dino apocalypse, only smaller and better looking.  Actually, it would make more sense if the octo-bear is the real horrorsaurus.

You might find it strange that a comic is being used to warn us of impending doom.  But if you think about it, it’s quite brilliant.  The bears are obviously monitoring our news media outlets.  If there were a serious story on the news about the approaching Bearmageddon, the bears would take steps to quiet the media down or launch some propaganda campaign of their own, as they’re obviously planning to take the general population unawares.  But little do they know that some humans have already been informed and are taking steps.  We need to spread the word so that we’ll be prepared to meet the bears in battle.

Did you like how I managed to fit all my favorite comics into this ridiculous post?  I even hinted at one I’ve never mentioned before.  But seriously, you should check out Bearmageddon.

Midlife crisis (Part 3)

And finally, the last part on my series of posts detailing midlife crises (MLCs).

These series of posts all came about by an offhand remark from her brother about my MLC taking a Backstreet Boys cruise.  I had no idea such things existed.  I didn’t really look at the site, but I assume it’s just a cruise on which there are the Backstreet Boys.  I guess they perform while you’re cruising?  I guess?  It doesn’t sound very interesting to me.  Actually, it sounds closer to “downright horrid” to me.  Cruises are not interesting to me already to the point that the very idea of being on a cruise is barely tolerable.  If you add the Backstreet Boys to an idea that is already barely tolerable, doesn’t that bring it squarely into the territory of downright horrid?  I’m pretty sure it does.

Anyway, my MLC shared the comment her brother made with me and we decided to speculate about who would want to go on such a cruise.  We suspect people who want to relive the 90s.  Maybe those going through their midlife crises.  I’m not sure if that fits exactly, because isn’t that a resistance to change instead of a strong desire for it?  I could see how there’s emotional turmoil though.  I mean, these aren’t really the Backstreet Boys anymore.  They’re more like the Backstreet Men…maybe even the Backstreet Geezers.  That probably would cause you a lot of emotional turmoil if you remember them and prefer to remember them as the Backstreet Boys (BSB).

So, once again, I’m really glad I have a master craftsman MLC who only gives me headaches instead of horrid cruises in which I have to listen to the Backstreet Geezers and be around all these other women (maybe some men too) with their inferior MLCs going through all this emotional turmoil and possibly strong desires for change.  But just for fun (snort), let’s consider if I were on such a cruise.

From glancing at the website, I believe that their itinerary involves Florida and the Bahamas.  These destinations are unacceptable to me.  I would obviously have to move the cruise so that it would go to Alaska from Washington.  So then, I’m on a cruise with my MLC, because this is a BSB cruise after all and only people who are going through (or have) MLCs are allowed on them, and we are going up to Alaska.  Seeing as how I dislike cruises and BSB cruises even more, I might have to somehow maneuver the situation to where the ship can hit a titanium seal, which would rip a huge hole in the bow and then promptly start sinking the ship, because obviously the ship is just like the Titanic (I do know that the Titanic didn’t hit the iceberg head on, but instead scraped one on the starboard side, but we’re talking about titanium seals here and not icebergs, and the shoddy design of passenger ocean liners in general).  It’s important that the seal is a titanium seal, because the seal has to escape unharmed except for maybe a bruise or two.  I have nothing against seals.  Only BSB cruises.  Also, the ship has to hit a titanium seal because icebergs are in short supply up in the northern Pacific.

So, the cruise ship has hit a titanium seal and has started sinking.  My MLC might decide to make herself known right about then.  Everyone will then try to abandon ship, of course, because they all have inferior MLCs and are thusly afraid of them, not realizing that my MLC is a master craftsman and does exquisite work and only causes headaches.  Not to say that she can’t give you emotional turmoil or a strong desire for change, but that’s amateurish.  Now then, my MLC and I are now on an abandoned ship that’s sinking.  I think we might have some trouble doing anything with it.  And um…I can’t really remember what we had decided a good plan of action would be.  Maybe I’ll just ask the titanium seals for some help.  They probably don’t like BSB cruises either.  They would probably help us get to shore.  They also probably wouldn’t shoot us after getting us there.  Like I said, I have nothing against seals nor do I have a history of being cruel to animals so they don’t really have much reason to shoot us.

So…yeah.  The end.