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Tag Archives: mcninja

The real reason for the winter blood shortage

It was brought to my attention recently that we have seasonal blood shortages (I’m pretty sure she’s quoting an email she got toward the end of the conversation, but I didn’t ask).

cherriebb515: Another blood shortage.
cherriebb515: Apparently blood shortages are seasonal.
…
cherriebb515: There is an impending holiday shortage.
cherriebb515: More blood needed during holidays?
cherriebb515: Red Cross calls on donors to help reduce strain of impending holiday blood shortage.
…
cherriebb515: The holiday season is in full swing and as predicted, your American Red Cross is facing the very real possibility of a winter blood shortage. Many donors are focused on shopping, making travel plans, and soon school will be out of session. These factors and other seasonal distractions have lead to a rapid decline in donations.

I never knew we had seasonal blood shortages.  I doesn’t particularly make sense to me that we would be short on blood during the winter over some other season.  If there were going to be a seasonal blood shortage, I would think summer would be the time when there would be a shortage.  People are always out and about and doing their extreme sports and grievously injuring themselves and then needing blood transfusions in the summer, right?  Don’t people just stay at home and complain all winter about how cold it is?  Ok, fine.  There are people who go and ski in an extreme manner and are probably also grievously injuring themselves.  But since it’s cold, your circulation isn’t as…circulating.  There probably isn’t as high a demand for blood transfusions in the winter.

So why is is there a winter blood shortage?  It’s because vampires are depleting their stores of blood because they are preparing for hibernation.  Yes, their stores.  The evidence is here and here.  So anyway, the vampires are are preparing for hibernation and they are bulking up for their long sleep…of the undead.  Thus, the Red Cross doesn’t have enough reserves for what we think of as normal medical use.  It’s not because of people skiing extremely.  It’s because the vampires are drinking all the blood themselves.

For the vampires that decide not to hibernate through the winter, or for those who live in warmer climes, I suspect they still contribute to the blood shortage.  I bet it’s pretty hard to bite someone’s neck when they’re bundled up or wearing a scarf.  Even in SoCal, people wear scarves in the winter.  I think it’s ridiculous, myself.  But then, I’m not a big fan of things around my neck.

You’d think, since vampires run the Red Cross, that they’d know about the higher demand for blood in winter beforehand and that make sure they would have enough for themselves and medical use, as they need a legitimate front to keep the general population from getting suspicious.  I’m not sure who is running things, but this is really quite irresponsible.  It’s just too easy to figure it out when the Red Cross has a blood shortage near every winter.  The head vampire really should be fired.

But in all seriousness, maybe you should part with a bit of your blood if you’re qualified to donate.  Here’s a link about donor requirements and a link to find a local blood drive.

The bears are coming for you…

I may have mentioned Axe Cop, one of my favorite comics ever (EVAR!), before.  Axe Cop is written by the brothers Nicolle and illustrated by the elder brother.  Well, the elder Axe Cop brother recently started a new comic, Bearmageddon, which I find quite enjoyable and pretty to look at.  The comic is about the all-out war between grizzly bears and humans.  He had mentioned that this was in the works before Axe Cop and that Axe Cop had just kind of…happened.  Well, what this really tells me is that he’s been doing research for awhile and now he’s warning us of what’s to come.  And not a moment too soon.

You see, the Bearmaggedon is real and we are entering into the first stages of it.  Have you read the news lately?  Here, let me help you.

  • There was a fatal grizzly attack in Yellowstone recently.  The second such attack this year.  Before then, the last fatal attack was 1986.  The bears are starting to ramp up their offensive.
  • One of the scouts was exposed and routed recently by this woman.
  • Here is a list of fatal bear attacks in North America from the 1870s on.
  • Anecdote: Recently phones and internet to my place of employment went down and we were basically without outside communication for the whole day.  There were some people outside my office up and down the street we’re on trimming trees.  What I believe was happening was that there was a bee farmer trying to get a hive of feral honey bees and then was eaten by a bear.  Bears desire honey, you see.  The bear that ate the bee farmer probably was tracking the hive of feral bees for himself and was upset that the bee farmer was trying to steal his bees.  And then there was a fight that knocked out our phone lines and internet for a whole day.  The bear may have done it on purpose.  Maybe he knows that I know about the Bearmageddon.  I should be careful.  But the message needs to get out all the same!

See?  It’s happening.  The bears are rallying and starting to deploy their scouts.  Soon, hordes of bears will be upon us!  I’m pretty sure it won’t be just the grizzlies either.  One of the articles mentioned a black bear.  The black bears make pretty good scouts, since they’re smaller.  They’ll probably have other roles when the war really starts.  I’m worried about the grolar bears.  Those are probably more dangerous than just polar bears or grizzlies alone.  They might be like the horrorsaurus, secret weapon of the dino apocalypse, only smaller and better looking.  Actually, it would make more sense if the octo-bear is the real horrorsaurus.

You might find it strange that a comic is being used to warn us of impending doom.  But if you think about it, it’s quite brilliant.  The bears are obviously monitoring our news media outlets.  If there were a serious story on the news about the approaching Bearmageddon, the bears would take steps to quiet the media down or launch some propaganda campaign of their own, as they’re obviously planning to take the general population unawares.  But little do they know that some humans have already been informed and are taking steps.  We need to spread the word so that we’ll be prepared to meet the bears in battle.

Did you like how I managed to fit all my favorite comics into this ridiculous post?  I even hinted at one I’ve never mentioned before.  But seriously, you should check out Bearmageddon.