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Tag Archives: secretive

Lasertomato (Part 2): The conspiracy

I mentioned in the last post that there might be something of a government conspiracy regarding the relationship between lasers and tomatoes.  Think about it.  When was the last time you heard about an accidental death involving the consumption of tomatoes?  You already know that improperly prepared marinara sauce can cause impromptu laser light shows.  And that’s with cooked tomatoes.  What if you were eating raw tomatoes?  Grape tomatoes and cherry tomatoes probably wouldn’t be too bad.  At worst, they could cause some blindness as they are used to focus the lasers in laser pointers and you definitely shouldn’t be pointing those into someone’s eyes.  There’s a reason why shining a laser pointer into the sky at an aircraft is a felony.  Don’t do it.

Anyway, if you don’t bite into a cherry or grape tomato properly, you might end up blinding someone, but that’s much better than frying your head into a crisp because you bit into an heirloom tomato.  People eat heirloom tomatoes all the time.  There are stories in the news ALL. THE. TIME. about how someone did something dumb.  Why aren’t these people also getting fried by lasertomatoes?  They are.  But the government doesn’t want you to know about it so they hush all those stories up.

But I have more proof.  You would think that lasers would be a pretty effective weapon against zombies, right?  I mean, obviously you should have a shotgun in your arsenal, but a laser would do really nicely.  You could fry the zombie’s head from afar.  Zombies don’t function as well without their heads.  So, lasers would be effective against zombies.  Tomatoes are integral components of lasers in terms of focus and eventual effective application of said lasers.  You would think that tomatoes would be something included in a game in which plants fend of zombies.  YET THEY ARE NOT.

Here is the almanac of all the plants in Plants vs Zombies.

Where are the tomatoes?

Note  that tomatoes are not represented.  They probably were at one point early on in game development.  I mean, it would be so obvious to have tomatoes fire lasers at the zombies.  I believe the tomatoes were taken out of the game due to government pressure.  They don’t want us to know about the relationship between lasers and tomatoes.  Think about it.  PvZ is a very popular, highly rated, cross-platform game.  It’s available on PC, Mac, iOS, Android, wp7, Xbox, PSN, DS.  This game has reached millions of people.  If PopCap had left the lasertomato in the game, too many people would find out about the tomatoes laser properties.  It’s a conspiracy.  And come Friday, I think you’ll see why the lasertomato has been kept such a secret.

Enough room to hold a whole year’s worth of laundry…

Remember this?

Well, now you get to see what it was for.

Starting two years ago, I’ve been giving the most biggest, ginormous, hugest, and EMBARRASSING laundry bags to my graduating seniors (I help care for a bunch of jr. high and high school kids in my church group, I’m a counselor of sorts).  The laundry bag part has to do with the fact that I believe that gifts should be useful.  The fact that they are big, ginormous, and huge really has it’s roots in that it’s less fabric I need to cut and that I can use the whole width of the cloth, which also cuts down on the amount of scrap I have leftover.  The fact that EMBARRASSING has to do with…well, because it’s me. Of course I’m going to make them strange and even EMBARRASSING.

Perhaps you’re wondering how embarrassing they could possibly be.  I mean, really?  Embarrassing to the point of being EMBARRASSING?  Well, I’d like to think so and you can judge for yourself in a moment.  They may not really be EMBARRASSING to the point where the kids hide it in the room they leave behind at home and the laundry bag never sees the light of day again.  Actually, from what I’ve heard, a good number of them actually use their laundry bags as…laundry bags.  Huzzah!  Useful!

Anyway, that large circle I posted the tutorial for is how I make the bottoms of the bags (ok, sometimes with a template too, if I can find it).  There’s really only one right now that does not follow the standard cylindrical bag shape, but I did have to make three of them.  Um…it’s a long story.  You can ask me about I if you want.

So, without further ado, I present you the biggest, ginormous, hugest, and EMBARRASSING laundry bags! CLICKY!