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Riding the high speed potstickers

Um...it was kind of foggy when this picture was taken. Yeah...

We had some friends over for Thanksgiving dinner and we ended up talking about various things, but the most memorable topic was Taiwan‘s most advanced public transportation system, the high speed potstickers (鍋貼 or guō tiē), which is not to be confused with the high speed rail system (高鐵 or gāo tiě).

Many people know about Taiwan’s high speed rail (HSR) system.  The HSR runs north and south along the coast from the capital city of Taipei to Kaohsiung, a distance of roughly 200 miles.  The trains have a top speed of 186 miles per hour, so travel by HSR is considerably faster than by normal rail or bus, but slower than taking a plane.  You can read more about it here.

The high speed potstickers (HSP) is an auxiliary system that runs east and west and is little known beyond the residents of Taiwan.  Actually, the HSP is such a well kept secret, many residents also do not know of its existence and slog along by bus when they need to travel from the east and west coasts.  It is understandable since the HSP travels considerably faster than the HSR and is much quieter.  Because the railcars are made of potstickers, albeit a special recipe for potstickers due to the need for durability, they can be consumed at the end of their scheduled run.  I’m pretty sure employees of the HSP eat the potstickers.

Aside from the very limited schedule, there are a few other cons to traveling by potsticker.  You have to remember that these are potstickers.  They are cooked in oil.  There can be a great deal of oil in and around the stations and on the potstickers themselves.  Oil is not something that is easily cleaned off clothing when you’re on the run.

Also, the friction of the potstickers traveling at high speed on the oil coated rails, so they don’t stick, cook the potstickers.  If you’re riding a late potsticker, it can be unbearably hot.  It will smell delicious though.  But remember, it’s highly frowned upon to sneak bites of your transportation.

On the topic of scents, some of the potstickers may have a pork/leek filling.  While quite delicious, leek does have a tendency to stink things up.  You might want to take that into consideration when you’re traveling to a formal engagement.  Durian are allowed on the pork/leek potstickers, though, in case you’re transporting durian.

I’m definitely going to try and find a high speed potsticker station the next time I’m in Taiwan.

Laser Heat Vision!!!!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled post for breaking news (you’ll see the post I originally scheduled next Friday).

Ok, so it’s not really breaking.  But as of this writing (Thursday night) I am but mere hours from finally accomplishing a dream of mine.  That is to get LASER HEAT VISION!

You may wonder what laser heat vision is.  It’s something of a cross between Superman’s heat vision and something similar to Cyclops’ optic blast.  Cyclops’ laser vision is more concussive and that’s not really what I’m going after.  Not that it wouldn’t be fun.  I’m not really going after the weird, non-laser powers of Darkseid‘s omega beam either.  I’m mostly interested in the burny meltiness of lasers.  More like Timmy‘s heat vision.

Anyway, you may also wonder how I’m going to accomplish such a feat.  Simplicity itself.  I’m getting LASIK done tomorrow.  Now, I realize that most people don’t get LASIK done and then come back with laser heat vision but I plan on doing something different.  I plan on eating a lot of tomatoes before going in for the procedure.  Why tomatoes?  Why surely you remember the investigative blogging we did on laser tomatoes.

Now, eating a bunch of raw tomatoes is dangerous stuff.  I’ll have to make sure to take the proper precautions so I don’t accidentally blast someone’s head off or even my own head.  If I didn’t have a head, I would have no use for laser heat vision.  That would make me sad.  Oh, also I’d probably be dead.  That would probably make me sad too.

So, I plan to eat a whole meal of tomatoes with utmost care and precision tomorrow before the operation.  Thus, with my stomach still digesting tomatoes, I will undergo the procedure and the laser used to reshape my corneas will hopefully react with some of the tomato essence going through my bloodstream and I will obtain LASER HEAT VISION!!

It probably won’t happen right away.  They tell me that I’m supposed to sleep as long as I possibly can after the procedure.  They say it’s so the corneal flap can seal and start the healing process right away without my blinking interfering with everything.  That might be true, but I think maybe they’re hoping that I won’t find out about the laser heat vision.  Maybe it won’t work after you finished digesting all the tomatoes.  Maybe I’ll have to constantly refuel with tomatoes to be able to utilize my laser heat vision.  I don’t think I would mind.  I really like tomatoes anyway.  But I intend on using my powers as soon as I can.  I might take that 12 hour nap/zoymb/sleep like they’re asking me to.  I suppose I should try and refrain from using my laser heat vision during that time.  It probably would interfere with my corneas healing.  But I’ll definitely try when I wake up.  They tell me I have to sleep with these interesting eye shields on.  It’s probably to try and minimize the damage when you wake up and accidentally shoot lasers out of your eyes.

I'm sure it'll be just like this

I can’t wait.