Skip navigation

Monthly Archives: November 2011

But actually, this isn’t a post about Monty Python.

Recently, I’ve noticed a huge influx of spam to my blog.  And interestingly enough, they’re spamming mostly just one post, Just My Type.  As you recall, that’s one of my book report books.  It’s not a particularly well written post and arguably, it’s not even that interesting a book (I mean that has kind of a niche audience, it’s an entertaining and informative book though, you should read it).  I don’t understand why it’s being spammed.  The only thing I can think of that would attract all these spambots would be the pangram that opens the post.  But…really?

Anyway, I thought I might entertain you with some of the spam comments and perhaps some commentary on the comments.  They almost all link to a site with a Polish domain and as of right now, I have sixteen spam comments in the queue for review that are directly related to the post.  There were more spam comments but I had deleted them before I realized there was a trend.  I don’t know how many I’ve gotten total.  Well, something above sixteen.

From someone named bloog:

naturally like your website but you have to check the spelling on several of your posts. A number of them are rife with spelling problems and I find it very troublesome to tell the truth nevertheless I will definitely come back again.

I completely disagree.  Unlike some people, I read over my posts before I actually post them and try and catch all the errors the post goes live.  I’m insulted that you think my immaculately spelled posts have spelling errors.  Who are you to criticize with your awkward sentence structure and poor grammar?

From bloog again, but linking to a different website:

I’m not sure where you’re getting your info, but great topic. I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more. Thanks for magnificent info I was looking for this info for my mission.

Um, obviously bloog isn’t actually reading my posts because it was pretty obvious that I was reviewing a book and thus my information comes all from the book.

From pressel page:

Its like you read my mind! You seem to know so much about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you can do with some pics to drive the message home a little bit, but instead of that, this is wonderful blog. A fantastic read. I’ll certainly be back.

Actually, the author of the book is listed right after the title.  I’m pretty sure it doesn’t say my name.  I assure you, I am not Simon Garfield.  Maybe you should be thanking him for the book.  Also, I included a youtube video of a fox jumping over a dog.  You wanted pictures too?  Of what, the book?

From bloog again, linking to yet another website:

It’s perfect time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy. I have read this post and if I could I wish to suggest you some interesting things or tips. Maybe you could write next articles referring to this article. I desire to read even more things about it!

Why is bloog so fascinated with this post even after ripping it apart for my spelling errors that don’t exist?

From blog, possibly cousin to bloog?

It’s actually a great and useful piece of information. I’m glad that you shared this useful info with us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.

You know, you can read these books yourself and not depend on me to write a terribly written and generally unhelpful review for them.  Just a thought.

From blog again, also owner of many domain names:

F*ckin’ remarkable things here. I’m very glad to see your article. Thanks a lot and i am looking forward to contact you. Will you kindly drop me a mail?

Thank you for self-censoring.  But was it even necessary to begin with?  And as for contacting me, well I think I would prefer that you didn’t.  Thanks all the same.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled post for breaking news (you’ll see the post I originally scheduled next Friday).

Ok, so it’s not really breaking.  But as of this writing (Thursday night) I am but mere hours from finally accomplishing a dream of mine.  That is to get LASER HEAT VISION!

You may wonder what laser heat vision is.  It’s something of a cross between Superman’s heat vision and something similar to Cyclops’ optic blast.  Cyclops’ laser vision is more concussive and that’s not really what I’m going after.  Not that it wouldn’t be fun.  I’m not really going after the weird, non-laser powers of Darkseid‘s omega beam either.  I’m mostly interested in the burny meltiness of lasers.  More like Timmy‘s heat vision.

Anyway, you may also wonder how I’m going to accomplish such a feat.  Simplicity itself.  I’m getting LASIK done tomorrow.  Now, I realize that most people don’t get LASIK done and then come back with laser heat vision but I plan on doing something different.  I plan on eating a lot of tomatoes before going in for the procedure.  Why tomatoes?  Why surely you remember the investigative blogging we did on laser tomatoes.

Now, eating a bunch of raw tomatoes is dangerous stuff.  I’ll have to make sure to take the proper precautions so I don’t accidentally blast someone’s head off or even my own head.  If I didn’t have a head, I would have no use for laser heat vision.  That would make me sad.  Oh, also I’d probably be dead.  That would probably make me sad too.

So, I plan to eat a whole meal of tomatoes with utmost care and precision tomorrow before the operation.  Thus, with my stomach still digesting tomatoes, I will undergo the procedure and the laser used to reshape my corneas will hopefully react with some of the tomato essence going through my bloodstream and I will obtain LASER HEAT VISION!!

It probably won’t happen right away.  They tell me that I’m supposed to sleep as long as I possibly can after the procedure.  They say it’s so the corneal flap can seal and start the healing process right away without my blinking interfering with everything.  That might be true, but I think maybe they’re hoping that I won’t find out about the laser heat vision.  Maybe it won’t work after you finished digesting all the tomatoes.  Maybe I’ll have to constantly refuel with tomatoes to be able to utilize my laser heat vision.  I don’t think I would mind.  I really like tomatoes anyway.  But I intend on using my powers as soon as I can.  I might take that 12 hour nap/zoymb/sleep like they’re asking me to.  I suppose I should try and refrain from using my laser heat vision during that time.  It probably would interfere with my corneas healing.  But I’ll definitely try when I wake up.  They tell me I have to sleep with these interesting eye shields on.  It’s probably to try and minimize the damage when you wake up and accidentally shoot lasers out of your eyes.

I'm sure it'll be just like this

I can’t wait.