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Category Archives: life in general

(In)Valid selling points

Recently, I received an email (several actually) from the makers of the Cricut, a die-cutting machine that works like an x-y plotter but with a blade, that they have come out with a fifth anniversary model and that I SHOULD CHECK IT OUT AND RESERVE ONE RIGHT NOW, OMH (yes, H)!!

Well…no.  First of all, I’m perfectly fine with my old model.  I don’t use it nearly enough to justify pre-ordering a new one at retail.  Also, I take umbrage to the selling points that are advertised.

From the email…

  • 4 Cartridges preloaded on the machine
  • Compatible with all Cricut® and Cricut Imagine™ cartridges
  • Full-color LCD touch screen
  • Cutting area light
  • Longer power cord

Longer power cord?  That is not a valid selling point.  The power cord on my older (now obsolete, not nearly as neat and clever, travesty of a) machine is plenty long.  If for some reason, I decide to locate it…like 20 ft from the nearest outlet, I can always grab an extension cord.  If I consistently feel like I have to plop down my work area 20 ft from the nearest outlet and I don’t want to always grab an extension cord, I guess I could always just make a longer power cord for myself.  It would take all of…two minutes?  I suppose that option doesn’t occur to most other people though.  It’s probably the result those wayward years in my youth.

Cutting area light.  That’s a nice feature.  But it doesn’t belong in the top five things of an abbreviated list of selling points.  Cutting area light?  Are you too fat and lazy and can only spend your limited mental resources on punching buttons on your Cricut to grab a small lamp to light your work area?  Do you consistently work in the dark?  If so, you have larger issues than needing just a light for the cutting area, but we’re still going to include one just for you!  You won’t be able to see anything else but you can see what you’re going to cut!  Huzzah!

So really, there are only three valid selling points in that list.  It comes with more cartridges pre-loaded onto the machine; it is back-compatible (always nice, I wouldn’t have even remotely considered purchasing one if it weren’t back-compatible. Not making things back-compatible is an excellent way of footing yourself in the shoot, IMO); and it comes with a color touchscreen, which means no more keyboard overlays (which is a point on the full list of new features, but I guess they thought people were smart enough to figure that out in an abbreviated list [snort]).  Only three valid selling points.  I am not convinced that this is the machine for me.  Especially after insulting my intelligence and capability and implying that I am fat and lazy with the last two points.  Insulting your customer base may not be a good way to sell your product.  I believe you should promptly fire your entire marketing department for this.  Promptly.

I may be reading too much into this.

And here’s the whole list of selling points, with the new features marked by STARS!  OOH!

Also, I am just realizing now that I may have larger issues with marketing departments in general, not just Cricut’s.  Hmm…

Zoymbing

First post!  And the topic ends up being…napping!

I had a friend recently ask me whether or not a three-hour nap could indeed be counted as a nap.  Well, I guess.  It would be a really long nap.  But at the same time, it can’t be counted as a sleep, because I would say the lower threshold for a sleep is about five hours…maybe four (i.e. you can say that you only got five hours of sleep last night and everyone will feel sorry for you and offer to buy you some coffee).  The upper threshold of a nap probably is better placed at ninety minutes or so.  That way you get to complete a full sleep cycle (http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/naps/).  So what do you call that nebulous region of sleeping between ninety minutes and five hours?

I propose a new term to define sleeping from ninety minutes to five hours.  I will call it zoymbing.

zoymb verb \zoimb\
zoymbed | zoymb – ing

: to sleep between approximately ninety minutes to five hours during the day

not to be confused with nap

Why?  No particular reason.  I just like the sound and spelling of the word.  Feel free to suggest your own.  But anyway, I would like to put forth that I really dislike it when I zoymb.  It’s actually one of the reason I try not to nap because napping often leads to zoymbing for me.  Zoymbing can ruin a perfectly good afternoon because when you wake up you have to break free of sleep inertia, deal with the fact that you slept for a whole afternoon and maybe into the evening, deal with being unproductive, figure out how you’re going to get to sleep so you can get up like a normal, functioning, productive member of society (or semblance of) the next morning, etc etc.  There’s so much baggage that goes along with zoymbing.  I don’t really think it’s worth it for most occasions.  If you’re going to zoymb, you might as well just sleep early (and then the next day you can brag to all your friends that you got to sleep for ten hours last night and they will all be jealous).

Nod.