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Category Archives: ponderings

Drive thru markets

In Corona, the city in which I work, there is a drive thru market.  Now, I know it’s listed as Dena Alta on Google Maps, but if you look at the sign, it says Alta Dena.  I don’t know why Google would have flipped it.  Maybe they really are registered as Dena Alta.  In which case, I don’t know why they would write their name in reverse on their sign.  But anyway, I will refer to it as Alta Dena, and Wikipedia tells me that they own several such drive thru markets.

Now then, since this market is owned by Alta Dena and they are a dairy, I can only assume that they only sell milk, or milk products.  Actually, that Wikipedia article I linked to earlier said that they run approximately 100 drive thru dairies, meaning the stores only sell dairy products.  Why would you need a store that only carries milk products and is a drive thru store besides?  Are you really in such a hurry that you can’t get out of your car to pick up a gallon of milk?  Well, I can kind of see that.  Have you ever noticed that supermarkets almost always place milk and eggs at the back of the store?  It’s because those are necessities and if they put them at the front of the store, you’d walk in, grab what you need, and walk out, thus greatly reducing their ability to sell things to you.  So, they put them at the back of the store so that you have to traverse the whole store just to get your gallon of milk.  And in the meantime, while you are making this arduous trek, they can bombard you with advertisements via artful product arrangement where you will likely succumb to their scheme and make an impulse buy…like cookies to go with your milk and sausage to go with your eggs.  Anyway, I digress…

So, you drive into the market that only sells dairy products…and then what?  I imagine it’s like a full service gas station, which I dislike with intensity (I’m glaring at you right now, Oregon and New Jersey).  Maybe there will be an old timey ding as you drive over the trip wire and an attendant will come out and help you.  Then you can roll down your windows, and I suspect the conversation would go something like this:

You (Y): Hi, I’m looking for some milk.
Attendant (A): Yes you are in the right store for that.  I recommend that you get the Alta Dena 2% today.  It’s very fresh, arrived just this morning.
Y: Yes…well, that sounds pretty good.  What’s the expiration date on it?
A: For the gallon jug, it’s [some date].
Y: Hmm…I don’t think I could use it all before then.  Does it come in smaller sizes?
A: How about this charming glass quart?
Y: Hmm…no…no, I don’t think that’ll do.  Glass takes too long to break down in the landfills and I don’t trust that my neighborhood recycling company is handling glass properly.  What else do you have?  Do you have anything organic?
A: We are completely out.  But we have this lovely vitamin D fortified whole milk!  The expiration date is [some other date].
Y: Oh, that sounds pretty good.  But I don’t want that bottle.  How about that one over there? [points]
A: This one? [reaches for bottle]
Y: No, no.  That one looks suspicious.  That one right there. [points]
A: This one? [reaches for bottle]
Y: No!  Can’t you see how dirty that carton is?!  That one right there! [points]
A: [sighs] This one? [points]
Y: No, two to the left and three behind.
A: Ah, good choice.  [reaches for carton]  Will that be all?
Y: Actually, I’ve changed my mind.  We don’t really drink whole milk at our house.  I think I’ll just take a tub of sour cream instead, thanks.
A: …of course.  Here you are.

Yes, I’m pretty sure that’s what they have to deal with all the time.  I can’t imagine how this is a good business model.

Oh, and I sketched what the inside of the story might look like.  It’s up that the top if you didn’t see it already.  I traced the car, if you’re wondering.  I wasn’t interested in drawing a whole car today.  And sorry that it’s so small.  I…wasn’t paying attention to my canvas size.  Oh well.

The bears are coming for you…

I may have mentioned Axe Cop, one of my favorite comics ever (EVAR!), before.  Axe Cop is written by the brothers Nicolle and illustrated by the elder brother.  Well, the elder Axe Cop brother recently started a new comic, Bearmageddon, which I find quite enjoyable and pretty to look at.  The comic is about the all-out war between grizzly bears and humans.  He had mentioned that this was in the works before Axe Cop and that Axe Cop had just kind of…happened.  Well, what this really tells me is that he’s been doing research for awhile and now he’s warning us of what’s to come.  And not a moment too soon.

You see, the Bearmaggedon is real and we are entering into the first stages of it.  Have you read the news lately?  Here, let me help you.

  • There was a fatal grizzly attack in Yellowstone recently.  The second such attack this year.  Before then, the last fatal attack was 1986.  The bears are starting to ramp up their offensive.
  • One of the scouts was exposed and routed recently by this woman.
  • Here is a list of fatal bear attacks in North America from the 1870s on.
  • Anecdote: Recently phones and internet to my place of employment went down and we were basically without outside communication for the whole day.  There were some people outside my office up and down the street we’re on trimming trees.  What I believe was happening was that there was a bee farmer trying to get a hive of feral honey bees and then was eaten by a bear.  Bears desire honey, you see.  The bear that ate the bee farmer probably was tracking the hive of feral bees for himself and was upset that the bee farmer was trying to steal his bees.  And then there was a fight that knocked out our phone lines and internet for a whole day.  The bear may have done it on purpose.  Maybe he knows that I know about the Bearmageddon.  I should be careful.  But the message needs to get out all the same!

See?  It’s happening.  The bears are rallying and starting to deploy their scouts.  Soon, hordes of bears will be upon us!  I’m pretty sure it won’t be just the grizzlies either.  One of the articles mentioned a black bear.  The black bears make pretty good scouts, since they’re smaller.  They’ll probably have other roles when the war really starts.  I’m worried about the grolar bears.  Those are probably more dangerous than just polar bears or grizzlies alone.  They might be like the horrorsaurus, secret weapon of the dino apocalypse, only smaller and better looking.  Actually, it would make more sense if the octo-bear is the real horrorsaurus.

You might find it strange that a comic is being used to warn us of impending doom.  But if you think about it, it’s quite brilliant.  The bears are obviously monitoring our news media outlets.  If there were a serious story on the news about the approaching Bearmageddon, the bears would take steps to quiet the media down or launch some propaganda campaign of their own, as they’re obviously planning to take the general population unawares.  But little do they know that some humans have already been informed and are taking steps.  We need to spread the word so that we’ll be prepared to meet the bears in battle.

Did you like how I managed to fit all my favorite comics into this ridiculous post?  I even hinted at one I’ve never mentioned before.  But seriously, you should check out Bearmageddon.