midlife crisis (noun)
: a period of emotional turmoil in middle age characterized especially by a strong desire for change
Definition courtesy of Merriam-Webster
Not many of you may know, but I have a midlife crisis (MLC). You read correctly, I have an MLC. I’m not going through one. I mean, you can see from the definition above that an MLC is a noun. You can have nouns, you know. So, as I was saying, I have an MLC.
I’m not even sure if I would be considered “midlife” or “middle aged.” I’m probably closer to quarter aged, hard to tell since you don’t have an expiration date. But if you hear me talk sometimes, you might believe that I was really three-quarter life (three-quarter aged?) or something (I shall leave this statement purposely ambiguous). Do people have three-quarter life crises? I know fresh college grads sometimes have quarter life crises. It would make sense that there would be a three-quarter life crises. I’m not sure though. I don’t know about that “emotional turmoil either” or the “strong desire for change.” I generally am not a very extreme person and those sound like extreme things. I figure subtlety is better at getting me me what I want than outright extremity.
Anyway, also different from what I popularly see and hear of midlife crises: my midlife crisis is something of a friend. We get along quite well. We do things together all the time. Sometimes, we even have to battle the overwhelm together. You need to be pretty careful about the overwhelm. It may help if you have someone battling it along with you. So anyway, I don’t really understand why an MLC is always depicted as a Bad Thing and people make fun of people going through MLCs and there is always much despair and whining.
Hmm…maybe the “going through” an MLC is the problem. If more people were friends with their MLCs and just had one instead of going through it, maybe MLCs wouldn’t be considered a Bad Thing anymore. I mean, if someone were always trying to go through you, wouldn’t that make you annoyed?
You: I am going to go right through you!
MLC: You’re stupid! We’re both solid objects! Solid objects can’t go through each other!
You: (charge and tackle MLC)
Both fall on the floor; there is much biting, kicking, punching, and screaming is heard.
MLC: (shrieking) You’re stupid! You’re stupid! I’m going to curse you with so much emotional turmoil and a strong desire for change!!
I’m pretty sure that’s what’s happening to people trying to make it through their MLC. So really, the MLC is wrongly being accused of being a Bad Thing. It’s really your fault for being so dumb and not learning your sciences well. Obviously two solid objects aren’t going to make it through each other. There’s too much mass localized in one area. My MLC and I don’t act like that at all. Sometimes we go on adventures together. People should act more like us.
Maybe…I’ll do some research and conduct an experiment. Human experiments take a really long time though and I’d have to track this through generations to see a meaningful trend. I wonder if fruit flies have MLCs. Maybe my MLC will know. I think I’ll ask.
Random moosages as I see fit. 