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Category Archives: ponderings

How to survive a zombie apocalypse with a scaredy-dog (2)

You’ll remember part 1.  Yaris was just barely out of her puppyhood and Choco was sneaking around just like in her prime.

Well, times have changed.  Yaris is no longer a puppy.  You can tell because she’s actually gotten much more stealthy.  She’s no Choco in terms of stealth, but her stealth rating is no longer negative.  It’s probably in the ones.  Maybe the low tens.

Yaris is also not quite as skittish as before.  I would say she’s still be considered a scaredy-dog though.  Completely useless to the military.

Choco…unfortunately is no longer around.  I can’t depend on her level-headedness and stealthiness in the event of a zombie apocalypse anymore.  It’s a huge loss to the team.  Yaris will really have to step up her game.

But besides losing such a critical member of the team, we’ve gained one.  And this one…I do not have high hopes for.

Horse’s stealth level is probably lower than Yaris’ as a puppy.  He makes a great show of being stealthy, but I doubt zombies would be much impressed by a show of stealthiness.  The zombies would probably be attracted by the show of stealthiness.  This is not desirable.

As far as I can tell, he doesn’t have Horse beam or anything related.  Yaris still has her Yaris beam.  Choco did have fully developed Choco beam.  I found out because I caught her using it one time.  Horse has…the ability to put up invisible barriers of force to impede his entry into the house.  It might be one of the most useless abilities ever.

He will go outside for some water and then suddenly be stuck outside and all he can do is sit next to the doggy door and whine.  The doggy door is not blocked (I did end up getting a bigger one so Horse could get in and out of the house easier).  Yaris is able to go in and out of the doggy door just fine.  But Horse…he’s stuck outside.

And it doesn’t seem that he has the ability to tear down these invisible barriers of force.  Yaris is completely unaffected by them, so I guess she can’t help him.  It seems that I have the ability to tear down his barriers.  They seem to dissipate on their own sometimes too.  But I just can’t understand why he puts them up to begin with.

I’m pretty sure he’ll end up putting up these barriers when we’re hunkering down in hiding spots during the zombie apocalypse.  Horse will get stuck outside and then he’ll whine because he wants to be inside with Yaris and me.  Then he’ll end up attracting the zombies.  He might then try to make a big show of being stealthy and attract even more zombies.  Horse…is a huge liability.

I’m not really sure what I can do with Horse.  He’s only been around for a few months.  Maybe he needs breaking in period.  Maybe we just need to get to know each other better and figure out each one’s strengths.  But if the zombie apocalypse happens before we can figure everything out, I’ll probably just have to cut my losses and take Yaris with me and leave.

Maybe if Horse is by himself, the zombies won’t bother him.  And he’s proven that he likes to graze on grass so he’ll be able to forage for food on his own.  If he wants to stay with Yaris and me, he’s going to have to prove that he has an ability other than putting up invisible barriers of force to impede his own entry into places.

Superpower: Talking to you at the most inconvenient time to inconvenience you further

You might not think that’s a good superpower, but it actually is. If you’re a supervillain that is. And in your supervillainy ways, you’ve been made at least middle management. Preferably middle management. And your dastardly plan involves slowly destroying the morale of your employees while extracting ever more work out of them. And if one of your employees is a superhero in disguise, all the better.

Still don’t believe it’s a good superpower to have if you’re a villain? It’s true, this superpower isn’t very flashy and might not be very good in a fist fight, but if you want a long lasting career as a supervillain, you have to be subtle and you have to plan.

Think of how easily supervillains crash and burn. Actually, not just supervillains. Think about how easily mere villains crash and burn. How many of them even make it to the super status? Sure, you’ll have the plucky villains who resolutely make new plans each time their originals were dashed, but they’re basically treading water. You can’t hope to achieve fame and recognition if you’re always treading water.

And that in itself is a problem. Supervillains make themselves too vulnerable when they’re widely recognized. They’re basically a beacon to every passing superhero to come and knock them out. True supervillains have to be crafty and subtle. Hence, the middle management. They’re there to make you miserable. You, the optomistic, cheerful, spunky superhero that you are. Or the normal worker drone. Whatever. Supervillains probably are not picky about to whom they spread misery.

Think about how quickly a supervillain in middle management can upend your day when they appear out of nowhere right as you were going to go on a coffee break, or lunch break, or leave for the day, and start a long and involved discussion about something work related. And somehow, before you even realize it, you’re saddled with more work, half of which is busy work but absolutely essential to the success of the project. It will probably require days more work with overtime (which you will not be paid for because you are a salaried worker drone).

Supervillain.

Superpower.