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The power of…hyperopia!

Remember how I tried to get laser heat vision awhile ago? Well, it only kind of worked. The procedure was supposed to correct the myopia that has been plaguing (PLAGUE!) me all these years and maybe also the minor astigmatism. Since the procedure involved lasers, I thought I might try and unlock the power of laser heat vision while I was at it.

So…that part didn’t really work. I’ve tried and tried and I just can’t seem to generate any laser heat vision. I guess I didn’t eat enough tomatoes (three links) before the procedure. Or maybe I ate them at the wrong time. Maybe I had to eat them after too. But they told me to take my Xanax and go to sleep for the rest of the day, which I did. HEY! They probably give you a Xanax to put you to sleep so that people don’t develop laser heat vision! Sneaky! I didn’t even suspect that until now. Sugh. Well, if I ever have to go in for a touchup, I know what to do now.

Speaking of touchups, I may have to at some point. You see, my eyes were doing just fine after the surgery. My right eye was perfect, at 20/20, and no longer astigmatismatic (not a real word). I was so incredibly pleased with my right eye as it was the worse of my two eyes both in the degree of myopia and astigmatism. My left eye wasn’t as great. I think it was 20/15? I was slightly farsighted, anyway, and I had a quarter degree of astigmatism still. It wasn’t the greatest, but still much better than what it was. And it stayed this way for about a month after the procedure.

Well, I’m approaching my one year anniversary of attempting to unlock the power of laser heat vision. And…instead, I have unlocked the power of hyperopia. Whee. As it turned out, as my eyes were healing, my right eye also decided to become hyperoptic and my left eye decided to stay the same. Jerks. Why couldn’t they at least both stay the same? Or even better, why couldn’t my left eye shrink a little so as to be 20/20? Anyway, as of my six month checkup that happened some months back, my left eye is still 20/15 and a quarter degree astigmatism and my right eye is 20/10 (I think) and no astigmatism. Sugh. SUGH!

It actually isn’t a really big deal. I’m not extremely farsighted or anything. But I do notice it when I’m staring at a screen only a few feet from my nose. And…that happens a lot, seeing as how my main form of communication is via the internets and I have to use a computer a lot at work. I can only sit so far from the screen, you know. At this point, I only have laptops in my possession (I suppose I should introduce you to Behemoth at some point) and I don’t have separate keyboards for them. I can only sit about an arm’s length away and it’s kind of painful if I need to type a lot.

Sugh, I say. SUGH.

Why grammar matters: 50 United States edition

Recently, I’ve been noticing a lot of grammatical errors in publications.  Places where you would think there wouldn’t be grammatical errors.  Or at least, big ones.

The most recent one invovles some KitchenAid documentation.  I think a warranty notice or something.

If you reside in the 50 United States…

If you reside in the 50 United States?  Wait.  There’s more than one country called the United States?  And apparently you have to be a resident of all 50 of them?  So, it’s like a case of dual citizenship, but times 25?  Well, it doesn’t say you have to be a citizen of the country.  Just a resident.  I guess that’s not too bad.

But what would you call being a citizen of 50 different countries anyway?  Being a citizen of two different countries is called “dual citizenship.”  Well, the citizenship part can stay the same, but how about something called 50?  Well, the prefix meaning “five” is “penta-” and “ten” is “deca-.”  I don’t think there’s anything specifically for 50.  So I guess it’s pentadecasomething citizenship.  What would be the proper ending though? I guess I could just use the standard “-ple.”  So, it would be pentadecaple citizenship.

That’s…pretty hard.  Especially since at least one of the United States has that rule about giving up citizenship to other countries when you become a citizen of the United States.  Well, I guess you don’t really have to give up the citizenship of the other countries.  The US just won’t recognize it.  I wonder how that works with extradition treaties.

Btw, isn’t it really confusing to have several countries with all the same name?  I mean, how do you address things?  What about country codes?  The US I live in has the country code of 1.  What about the others?  And how would you designate that on paper?  The country code of United States XII?  You want to send this package to the United States L?  This is so confusing.