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Tag Archives: totally true stories

For when singing just isn’t appropriate.

Today I learned of a very interesting vegetable.  I had no idea something like it existed.  It is the Romanesco broccoli!

 

Fractal_Broccoli

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Look at it!  Isn’t it the most interesting vegetable ever?  It looks like smaller drills stacked on bigger drills!  Wikipedia says that sometimes it’s also known as a broccoflower, but I know this as broccoflower.

Basically a green-tinted cauliflower.

And you can’t have two vegetables named the same thing.  That would be confusing.  You also probably shouldn’t have one vegetable with one or more names either (I’m looking at you yams/sweet potatoes).

Anyway, doesn’t the Romanesco broccoli look so interesting that you must try and eat it, no matter how it tastes?  Well, apparently not.  I showed a picture of it to one of my friends and he told me that it’s probably poisonous.  When asked why and he said it was the combination of the color and shape that put him off.  He also said that things that look that perfect probably shouldn’t be eaten.  Haha.

But, I think you should eat them.  I said earlier that the vegetable looks like smaller drills stacked on bigger drills.  That’s important.  I’m pretty sure eating this vegetable will give you drill power.  You ask, what is drill power?  Well, drill power, also known as spiral power, is what you need when you are not manly enough.  Why do you need to be manly?  Because it’s the solution to most problems.  Where am I getting all this information from?  Here.

So, the normal way to gain drill power is to sing the song.  But what if you’re in a public area?  What if you’re in the library during finals week and everyone is studying in silence around you?  What if you feel like your studies are getting the best of you?  You need drill power.  But you can’t sing.  Singing would get you kicked out of the library where there is ambient study power.  What you should have done was to eat some Romanesco broccoli before you started studying.  You probably don’t need much of it.  There are so many drills on drills!  I would guess that a floret would be the equivalent to singing the song.  Thus, maybe you can pack some with you as a snack for such library situations.  You should respect the rules of your library though.  Most libraries don’t like it when you eat things inside, even if it’s to give you drill power for studying.

Drill power.  Good for studying.  Eat some Romanesco broccoli today.

(Btw, if anyone knows where I could get some, I’d appreciate it if you’d send that info my way.  I really would like to try it, drill power or not.)

Midlife crisis (Part 3)

And finally, the last part on my series of posts detailing midlife crises (MLCs).

These series of posts all came about by an offhand remark from her brother about my MLC taking a Backstreet Boys cruise.  I had no idea such things existed.  I didn’t really look at the site, but I assume it’s just a cruise on which there are the Backstreet Boys.  I guess they perform while you’re cruising?  I guess?  It doesn’t sound very interesting to me.  Actually, it sounds closer to “downright horrid” to me.  Cruises are not interesting to me already to the point that the very idea of being on a cruise is barely tolerable.  If you add the Backstreet Boys to an idea that is already barely tolerable, doesn’t that bring it squarely into the territory of downright horrid?  I’m pretty sure it does.

Anyway, my MLC shared the comment her brother made with me and we decided to speculate about who would want to go on such a cruise.  We suspect people who want to relive the 90s.  Maybe those going through their midlife crises.  I’m not sure if that fits exactly, because isn’t that a resistance to change instead of a strong desire for it?  I could see how there’s emotional turmoil though.  I mean, these aren’t really the Backstreet Boys anymore.  They’re more like the Backstreet Men…maybe even the Backstreet Geezers.  That probably would cause you a lot of emotional turmoil if you remember them and prefer to remember them as the Backstreet Boys (BSB).

So, once again, I’m really glad I have a master craftsman MLC who only gives me headaches instead of horrid cruises in which I have to listen to the Backstreet Geezers and be around all these other women (maybe some men too) with their inferior MLCs going through all this emotional turmoil and possibly strong desires for change.  But just for fun (snort), let’s consider if I were on such a cruise.

From glancing at the website, I believe that their itinerary involves Florida and the Bahamas.  These destinations are unacceptable to me.  I would obviously have to move the cruise so that it would go to Alaska from Washington.  So then, I’m on a cruise with my MLC, because this is a BSB cruise after all and only people who are going through (or have) MLCs are allowed on them, and we are going up to Alaska.  Seeing as how I dislike cruises and BSB cruises even more, I might have to somehow maneuver the situation to where the ship can hit a titanium seal, which would rip a huge hole in the bow and then promptly start sinking the ship, because obviously the ship is just like the Titanic (I do know that the Titanic didn’t hit the iceberg head on, but instead scraped one on the starboard side, but we’re talking about titanium seals here and not icebergs, and the shoddy design of passenger ocean liners in general).  It’s important that the seal is a titanium seal, because the seal has to escape unharmed except for maybe a bruise or two.  I have nothing against seals.  Only BSB cruises.  Also, the ship has to hit a titanium seal because icebergs are in short supply up in the northern Pacific.

So, the cruise ship has hit a titanium seal and has started sinking.  My MLC might decide to make herself known right about then.  Everyone will then try to abandon ship, of course, because they all have inferior MLCs and are thusly afraid of them, not realizing that my MLC is a master craftsman and does exquisite work and only causes headaches.  Not to say that she can’t give you emotional turmoil or a strong desire for change, but that’s amateurish.  Now then, my MLC and I are now on an abandoned ship that’s sinking.  I think we might have some trouble doing anything with it.  And um…I can’t really remember what we had decided a good plan of action would be.  Maybe I’ll just ask the titanium seals for some help.  They probably don’t like BSB cruises either.  They would probably help us get to shore.  They also probably wouldn’t shoot us after getting us there.  Like I said, I have nothing against seals nor do I have a history of being cruel to animals so they don’t really have much reason to shoot us.

So…yeah.  The end.