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Monthly Archives: September 2011

Engineeringoma

A good while ago, not long after I first started working, I noticed that I was having some speech difficulties.  I would often forget words, mix up my gendered pronouns, and I was starting to affect a stutter.  I was really annoyed with myself.  Forgetting words occasionally doesn’t bother me.  It happens.  But it seemed to be happening more frequently than normal.  And what was going on with mixing up my gendered pronouns?  I was raised in the US.  I may have learned Chinese first, but English is definitely my dominant language.  I never had problems with pronouns before.  And I have no idea what was going on with that stutter.  I figured, I was just tired and I just needed more sleep.  But I was wrong.

I learned that I have engineeringoma.  I am quite fortunate that I have friends who are healthcare professionals to set me straight.  My respected medical professional friend defines engineeringoma as a

cancerous growth of the engineering, which is located somewhere in the brain.  It causes compression of the ventricles and the lobes to swell up, affecting Broca’s area and thus causing stuttering.  Progressive state causes sickliness.  Growth metastasizes into all organs.  There is no cure.

When he told me that, suddenly it was all clear.  I used to get headaches (this was pre-MLC) sometimes.  They were probably one of the symptoms of the growth getting bigger and causing pressure in my skull.  It was affecting Broca’s area, an area of the brain necessary for speech production.  That probably explained my forgetting of words and stuttering.  I was getting sick more often.  I totally had engineeringoma!

Or…not really.  Sometimes my friends and I like to pretend we have weird, fake, and often gruesome diseases (or really, I like to pretend that I have weird, fake, and often gruesome diseases and they are more than willing to oblige me and make up said diseases for me if I find the real diseases to be not gruesome enough…then we make them even worse in banter).  But what was really funny was that I had written the definition (it’s a really good definition) on a scrap of paper and put it up on the outside of my cube wall.  One of the other noob engineers came by to talk to me one time and saw the definition.  He thought it was real.  He was having similar symptoms and he was actually sick during that time.  He came in to ask me how I found out about the disease.  Then he did a double take, probably because I looked so amused at his reaction.  He figured out rather quickly that it wasn’t a real disease.  And then he learned that my sense of humor is parched and arid and I really wasn’t to be trusted regarding these things.

Good times, good times.

Drive thru markets

In Corona, the city in which I work, there is a drive thru market.  Now, I know it’s listed as Dena Alta on Google Maps, but if you look at the sign, it says Alta Dena.  I don’t know why Google would have flipped it.  Maybe they really are registered as Dena Alta.  In which case, I don’t know why they would write their name in reverse on their sign.  But anyway, I will refer to it as Alta Dena, and Wikipedia tells me that they own several such drive thru markets.

Now then, since this market is owned by Alta Dena and they are a dairy, I can only assume that they only sell milk, or milk products.  Actually, that Wikipedia article I linked to earlier said that they run approximately 100 drive thru dairies, meaning the stores only sell dairy products.  Why would you need a store that only carries milk products and is a drive thru store besides?  Are you really in such a hurry that you can’t get out of your car to pick up a gallon of milk?  Well, I can kind of see that.  Have you ever noticed that supermarkets almost always place milk and eggs at the back of the store?  It’s because those are necessities and if they put them at the front of the store, you’d walk in, grab what you need, and walk out, thus greatly reducing their ability to sell things to you.  So, they put them at the back of the store so that you have to traverse the whole store just to get your gallon of milk.  And in the meantime, while you are making this arduous trek, they can bombard you with advertisements via artful product arrangement where you will likely succumb to their scheme and make an impulse buy…like cookies to go with your milk and sausage to go with your eggs.  Anyway, I digress…

So, you drive into the market that only sells dairy products…and then what?  I imagine it’s like a full service gas station, which I dislike with intensity (I’m glaring at you right now, Oregon and New Jersey).  Maybe there will be an old timey ding as you drive over the trip wire and an attendant will come out and help you.  Then you can roll down your windows, and I suspect the conversation would go something like this:

You (Y): Hi, I’m looking for some milk.
Attendant (A): Yes you are in the right store for that.  I recommend that you get the Alta Dena 2% today.  It’s very fresh, arrived just this morning.
Y: Yes…well, that sounds pretty good.  What’s the expiration date on it?
A: For the gallon jug, it’s [some date].
Y: Hmm…I don’t think I could use it all before then.  Does it come in smaller sizes?
A: How about this charming glass quart?
Y: Hmm…no…no, I don’t think that’ll do.  Glass takes too long to break down in the landfills and I don’t trust that my neighborhood recycling company is handling glass properly.  What else do you have?  Do you have anything organic?
A: We are completely out.  But we have this lovely vitamin D fortified whole milk!  The expiration date is [some other date].
Y: Oh, that sounds pretty good.  But I don’t want that bottle.  How about that one over there? [points]
A: This one? [reaches for bottle]
Y: No, no.  That one looks suspicious.  That one right there. [points]
A: This one? [reaches for bottle]
Y: No!  Can’t you see how dirty that carton is?!  That one right there! [points]
A: [sighs] This one? [points]
Y: No, two to the left and three behind.
A: Ah, good choice.  [reaches for carton]  Will that be all?
Y: Actually, I’ve changed my mind.  We don’t really drink whole milk at our house.  I think I’ll just take a tub of sour cream instead, thanks.
A: …of course.  Here you are.

Yes, I’m pretty sure that’s what they have to deal with all the time.  I can’t imagine how this is a good business model.

Oh, and I sketched what the inside of the story might look like.  It’s up that the top if you didn’t see it already.  I traced the car, if you’re wondering.  I wasn’t interested in drawing a whole car today.  And sorry that it’s so small.  I…wasn’t paying attention to my canvas size.  Oh well.