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Um…if you don’t know where my title comes from, you need to watch more cartoons.

Anyway, recently a friend and I were talking about perfumes and how some people wear waaaay too much of it.  Now normally, I wouldn’t say anything about other people’s personal beauty routines.  Mostly because I don’t care.  I mean, I may compliment you (btw, I’m using a generic “you” and not talking about you specifically) if you’re looking especially nice that day, but really I just don’t care.  It’s not really that important to me how you look…or even how I look.

But the thing with perfumes and colonges and eau de toilettes (eaux de toilette? eaux des toilettes?) and even strongly scented lotions is that I can’t help but notice them.  They intrude upon me unlike how your hair looks or how your makeup is done or how fashionable your clothing is.  If you want to cake on makeup, that’s your choice.  It doesn’t really affect me at all.  I mean if you choose to put on makeup and do your hair so that you look like this:

This is outside societal norms girl.

It’s fine.  It’s your decision to do so.  I may be momentarily startled by your appearance since it’s out of the societal norm for “beauty” but beauty is in the eye of the beholder right?  And if that’s the way you choose to look, well fine.  If you’re happy with the way you look, that’s great.  And you don’t have to (nor should you) conform to my tastes and standards of how people should look.

But with scents, it doesn’t work like this even if you so desperately want it to.  I mention this because I’ve heard many huffy arguments about how it’s a free country and that the scent-wearer should be able to smell however he or she wants.  Yes, I agree with that…to a degree.  You should have the right to smell like you want.  But at the same time, I might have to exist in the same place as you, the scent-wearer.  Shouldn’t I be allowed to breathe unscented air?  Especially since as an asthmatic, a lot of perfumes and colognes and ESPECIALLY heavily scented lotions trigger asthma attacks.  I really would like to have a chance to breathe without wheezing and hacking and choking.

So perhaps you think you present yourself like this with your immaculate hair and makeup and wardrobe and scent:

This is generic mysterious/elegant lady.

And maybe you do…to yourself.  But perhaps fragrance is in the nose of the beholder?  Because more often than not, I see/smell you more like this:

Yes. Full on stink lines.

Or maybe even like this:

Ok, ok.  The flies are a bit much.  I don’t think you stink to the point where you attract monstrous, anatomically incorrect flies (unless you have poor personal hygiene, but that’s a different topic).  But a lot of perfumes are definitely cloying and illicit such reactions like wheezing and coughing and hacking and choking.  And no, I’m not doing it to be rude.  I don’t even do that to smokers.  I’m doing it because your overwhelming scent is triggering an asthma attack.

Anyway, the point is…sometimes the scent-wearer reeks.  And while that may seem really mean to say, please keep in consideration that scent invades another person’s space and being.  It lingers in the air.  It doesn’t just disappear.  It’s not like makeup at all.  With makeup, it’s just a bunch of photons resolving on your retinas and your brain interpreting the signals as something visual.  Nothing of your makeup actually interacts with me.  With scent, molecules of it are actually entering into my nostrils and latching onto receptors.  If you wear a lot of perfume, there are a lot of molecules around you and more of them end up in my nose.  You’re constantly shedding these molecules.  They’re still around when you leave.  Scent is nothing like makeup.

So, you should be allowed to wear a scent if you choose.  But I think you should also take into the consideration of those around you especially if scent is in the hose of the beholder.  Just please…don’t dump half a bottle on yourself.  If you want to wear a scent, maybe try for this:

Instead of this:



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