Random moosages as I see fit.

You probably recognize that line.  It’s the Dunkin’ Donuts tagline.  Recently, there was an attempted robbery at a Dunkin’ Donuts location where the employee successfully fended off the robbery by throwing hot coffee into the would-be robber’s face.  And as he was running away, she said “Go run on Dunkin’.”  That.  Is.  Awexome.  Go read the article; it’s linked up there.

Now then, I’m pretty entertained by dumb criminal stories and the guy trying to rob the Dunkin’ in this story definitely falls into the dumb criminal category.  The article states that the guy first asked for change for 100$ going through the drive through at 23:06.  When the employee refused, he tried to rob her through the drive-through window.  The employee threw hot coffee at him and then he ran back to his truck and drove off.

Let’s think about this.

1. Guy decides rob a Dunkin’ Donuts.  I’m going to conjecture that this was not premeditated because if it were, the guy needs to be wedged deeper into the category of dumb criminals.
2. He goes up to the drive-through speaker and orders some hot coffee as an excuse to get close to the register.  I looked up the location of the attempted robbery.  The article states that it was on 967 First Ave in West Haven, CT.  The Dunkin’ store there is open 24 hours.  It doesn’t say that just the drive-through is open 24hr so I’m going to assume that the main store is also open 24hr.  If the main store were open, why did he insist on going through the drive-through?  To reach the window where the money would be, you need an excuse to go there.  This guy orders a hot coffee.  Ok, maybe he really wanted coffee.  Maybe he though he’d be successful and he’d need  to be alert to drive away from the area after robbing the store.  But why HOT coffee?  An ice coffee would have kept him alert too and wouldn’t be as damaging as hot coffee if it lands on your skin.  Also, it’s 23:00.  Why are you drinking coffee anyway?  Why not just order a donut?  Being pelted with donuts isn’t really damaging.  And another thing with this taking place late at night, most stores, food or otherwise, will only keep a limited amount of cash on hand because businesses generally don’t get a lot of traffic late night/early morning and also to deter criminals from robbing their store when there is only a skeleton crew.
3. Guy gets up to the window and then asks for change for 100$.  Who does that?  I almost always see signs posted around the window that cashiers have a limited amount of cash in their registers.  AND let’s remember that this is happening late at night.  There’s no way the cashier could have ever honored a request to make change for 100$ even if she wanted to.
4. He changes his story from “wanting coffee and needing change” to “robbery.”  I’m sure the girl manning the window already knew something was up before he changed his mind and said he was robbing the place.
5. Guy tries to go through the drive-through window.  This is just dumb.  Robbing a place THROUGH a drive-through window without an accomplice is just dumb.  I mean, I can kind of see how you can pull it off if you have an accomplice, but this guy was by himself.  In a truck.  To go through the window, he’d have to get out of his truck and then wedge himself into the window.  Drive through windows are not large.  There’s no reason for it, as you’re only passing money and food through it.  It’s definitely not made for a grown man to shove himself through.  Also, all of that would take time.  This is plenty of time to give even the slowest of employees to realize that something is wrong and to at least close the window, which is what the girl tried to do.  She says that the guy was smart enough to shove his arm through to block her instead of grabbing at it and leaving fingerprints.  I don’t think he was that smart.  He probably was just trying to save his fingers from being caught in the window.
6. He’s rebuffed by his own order and has to run to his truck and drive away.  Again, why did he order HOT coffee?  Maybe the store would have had a pot of hot coffee already on hand, but it wouldn’t have been RIGHT NEXT TO THE WINDOW ready to be thrown if he hadn’t ordered the coffee.  And then after he has his hot coffee thrown in his face, he has to RUN to his truck?  How far did he park from the window?  At any rate, I’m glad the employee had the presence of mind to throw his hot coffee at him and then go back for the pot of coffee and throw that at him too.  The fact that she was able to throw in the company’s tagline (or something similar to it) is a bonus.  Good on her.

This guy was just SO. DUMB.

Also, I’m not really sure why America runs on Dunkin’.  It’s not bad coffee, but it’s not especially GOOD either.  It’s just…acceptable coffee (at a pretty decent price).