Me: I found an eggplant.
Herb: In your garden I hope. If it was in the attic I would have someone else eat part of it first.
Me: No, in the fridge.
Herb: Thump it.
Me: It’s not a watermelon.
Herb: Yes, but it’s still fun. It’s like a little back massage for the guy…he’s probably cold.
Me: I stuck him in the oven. After brutally stabbing and slicing him.
Herb: Herbicide.
Me: Agent orange?
Herb: As in herbicidal maniac.
Me: Def agent orange. I found a tub of cream cheese.
Herb: In the refrigerator I hope. What hideous fate awaits this poor thing?
Me: I blended it with the murdered eggplant and red bell pepper. And I also used the guts of some vinaigrette I found. I also found an onion that I’m grilling for secrets even as I type.
Herb: Sounds diabolically delish.
Um…I’m not really sure why I decided to start describing what I was making for dinner so violently to my coworker (whose real name is not Herb). I’m…sure it happens to other people too. I’m sure it’s not just me.
Anyway, I was taking an inventory of perishables in my fridge that my mother left me. I think it might be an Asian mother thing to come and visit and leave you with a lot of food, much of it perishable.
As I was looking through the fridge, I found an eggplant, several red bell peppers, part of an onion, and a tub of cream cheese. So I ended up making a roasted eggplant and red bell cream cheese spread. I flavored it with some sun-dried tomato and garlic vinaigrette that I found in the pantry. Then I interrogated the onion for its rebel secrets…over an open flame…in a 10″ fry pan. You know, as one does.
Then I made a sandwich. And it was delicious.
Oh and that random attic reference is a story for another time.
Random moosages as I see fit. 