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I am kind of a stickler about spelling (and grammar). I mean, you spent all that time learning proper spelling (and maybe grammar) in school, right? Why did you go through all of that if not to actually learn how to spell properly?

Anyway, I’m sure you’ve all been lectured enough by spelling/grammar Nazis and you don’t need me to do it. This all came up because of an email the IT department at THEM sent to me. My computer is apparently ill-protected against potential security threats because the IT department recently changed their policy for security updates. Instead of allowing Windows to decide when to patch, the IT department felt that they were better qualified to decide when patches should be installed on our computers because people would complain that they would try and power down for the night but then be hit with 19823791283798 updates and they would be stuck for another hour or something.

Well, IT decided that the best time to download and install updates would be at 23:00. They expect me to turn on my computer at 23:00 at least once a month so that my computer can download and install patches. Um…no.

Yes, I understand that this shouldn’t be a big deal, that I can just leave my computer in the office overnight to allow it to install all the updates. But…I don’t regularly work out of my own office. I work mostly on client sites. I generally don’t feel that I can leave my computer unattended overnight at a client site. That means that I would have to remember to take my laptop out at night after I get home and power it on (and maybe sign in too, I can’t remember). But after I get home, I have other things to do. I put my backpack down and I go on to other tasks that I have waiting for me at home. Finding a spot to put my laptop to be on all night is not a task that’s high on my priorities.

Also, why are you dictating how I spend my off hours? As if I don’t work enough hours and have enough responsibilities related to work to fulfill during the day? Is it so unreasonable for IT to provide another option besides hauling out this behemoth of a laptop out at night to keep it up-to-date? I actually never had an issue with having to install 1823912839 updates at the end of the day because I actively would keep an eye out for updates and plan accordingly.

Sooo…enough of an aside. You might wonder what my complainy fest has to do with spelling. It’s because of this line in the email IT sent me.

The security of [THEM]’s and our clients’ data is everyone’s responsibility, and having patched computers is the most important step in preventing a data breech.

Do you notice anything wrong with that sentence? Yes, those are a lot of apostrophes pretty close together in the sentence. But that’s more an issue of style than it being outright incorrect. The comma in the middle of the sentence probably also falls under style. I personally would not have put one there.

No, I speak of the last two words in sentence: data breech. It’s important that we prevent data breeches. BREECHES.

breech
brēCH/
noun
1. the part of a cannon behind the bore.
2. archaic
a person’s buttocks.

breach
brēCH/
noun
1. an act of breaking or failing to observe a law, agreement, or code of conduct.
“a breach of confidence”
2. a gap in a wall, barrier, or defense, especially one made by an attacking army.

The difference of one letter makes a huge difference in meaning. I read the sentence that IT wrote in the email as “…having patched computers is the most important step in preventing a data butt.” How am I supposed to take this sentence seriously? This is a professional email? How am I supposed to prevent a data butt? What is a data butt anyway?
I don’t know if you understand how jarring it is for me to read something like that. It’s like calling the mother of vinegar (like from a jar of unpasteurized apple cider vinegar) “enzymes.” NO, THE MOTHER OF VINEGAR IS NOT “ENZYMES.”

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