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Category Archives: life in general

The power of…myopia! Oh wait…

So, this is from awhile ago, but I thought I might bring it up, since I recently mentioned the power of hyperopia.  If you are no longer in your formative years, it may be too late for you to use this method of unlocking the power of myopia.  But it seems that it is exceedingly easy for children to develop this power.  So, if you have kids and you want them to develop their myopic powers, read on.  Or…you could just read that article I linked to.  You know.  Whatevs.

As it turns out, the reason why Asians often are nearsighted is because they study too much.  Yup.  That’s right.  Studying too much makes you nearsighted.  But this is something I already knew…mostly just anecdotal evidence, which doesn’t really prove anything.  So maybe I didn’t know it-know it, but I did suspect it.

Anyway, Asians probably don’t have some genetic mutation that makes myopia more prevalent among the population.  It isn’t like low alcohol tolerance or lactose intolerance.  This is something environmental.  And this something environmental is studying.  Too much.  Indoors.

Ok, so that’s kind of unfair.  It isn’t really studying too much, since it would be terribly difficult to determine how much is too much studying, but the fact that Asian kids generally spend much more time studying indoors instead of running wild(ly) out of doors.  Actually, kids of all races tend toward myopia if they study indoors much more than running wild(ly) out of doors.

Why should it matter if we let kids run wild(ly) out of doors?  Well, it seems that the intensity of light affects eye growth.  So yes, you shouldn’t stay outside too long in bright sunlight because UV rays are bad, but if you don’t go outside at all, then you’ll become nearsighted.  And well…that’s kind of a stupid superpower.  But you know, if you want the powers of myopia, now you know how to unlock them.  For your kids at least.

The power of…hyperopia!

Remember how I tried to get laser heat vision awhile ago? Well, it only kind of worked. The procedure was supposed to correct the myopia that has been plaguing (PLAGUE!) me all these years and maybe also the minor astigmatism. Since the procedure involved lasers, I thought I might try and unlock the power of laser heat vision while I was at it.

So…that part didn’t really work. I’ve tried and tried and I just can’t seem to generate any laser heat vision. I guess I didn’t eat enough tomatoes (three links) before the procedure. Or maybe I ate them at the wrong time. Maybe I had to eat them after too. But they told me to take my Xanax and go to sleep for the rest of the day, which I did. HEY! They probably give you a Xanax to put you to sleep so that people don’t develop laser heat vision! Sneaky! I didn’t even suspect that until now. Sugh. Well, if I ever have to go in for a touchup, I know what to do now.

Speaking of touchups, I may have to at some point. You see, my eyes were doing just fine after the surgery. My right eye was perfect, at 20/20, and no longer astigmatismatic (not a real word). I was so incredibly pleased with my right eye as it was the worse of my two eyes both in the degree of myopia and astigmatism. My left eye wasn’t as great. I think it was 20/15? I was slightly farsighted, anyway, and I had a quarter degree of astigmatism still. It wasn’t the greatest, but still much better than what it was. And it stayed this way for about a month after the procedure.

Well, I’m approaching my one year anniversary of attempting to unlock the power of laser heat vision. And…instead, I have unlocked the power of hyperopia. Whee. As it turned out, as my eyes were healing, my right eye also decided to become hyperoptic and my left eye decided to stay the same. Jerks. Why couldn’t they at least both stay the same? Or even better, why couldn’t my left eye shrink a little so as to be 20/20? Anyway, as of my six month checkup that happened some months back, my left eye is still 20/15 and a quarter degree astigmatism and my right eye is 20/10 (I think) and no astigmatism. Sugh. SUGH!

It actually isn’t a really big deal. I’m not extremely farsighted or anything. But I do notice it when I’m staring at a screen only a few feet from my nose. And…that happens a lot, seeing as how my main form of communication is via the internets and I have to use a computer a lot at work. I can only sit so far from the screen, you know. At this point, I only have laptops in my possession (I suppose I should introduce you to Behemoth at some point) and I don’t have separate keyboards for them. I can only sit about an arm’s length away and it’s kind of painful if I need to type a lot.

Sugh, I say. SUGH.