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Category Archives: UMBRAGE!!

ECMF or, I PUNCH ALL THE THINGS!

I just got home from work not too long ago (it’s 20:55 2011.12.20, in case you’re wondering).  It was a punch all the things kind of day (memegenerator is down right now, otherwise I’d show you the graphic I made for this).

But…I was actually unable to punch all the things.  Why?  Because when I went to punch all the things, I realized that there was an evil cyclops monster face (ECMF) on my finger on an area I would need if I were to indeed punch all the things.

See?

What do you mean you cannot see?  Here, what if I cropped the image so as only to focus on the ECMF?

See??

What do you mean “no”?  You are truly hopeless.  Here, I will help you even further.

With outline and labels and everything.

Do you not see now?  The stupid ECMF was preventing me from punching ALL THE THINGS.  Which made me want to punch all the things even more.  But I couldn’t.  Shakes fist in air!

Btw, if you’re curious where the ECMF came from, I acquired it last Sunday when I was cooking for 129837192873 (okay, like 100) people and somehow managed to scrape off an ECMF shaped portion of my finger, which then promptly started bleeding and then would not stop bleeding.  So then I had to wear a glove while preparing food.  DISLIKE.

The Mighty Tilapia!

It has recently been brought to my attention that there is a fish called Tilapia.  This is not the tilapia you see in the fish section of the market.  This is not the (possibly) mild tasting white-fleshed fish.  Personally, I think they taste muddy and I’m not terribly fond of them.  No, that tilapia is tilapia, the poo eater (if you wonder why I call them poo eaters, you should probably research how they are farmed).  No, I speak of Tilapia, hunter of the much feared piranha!
How did I learn of Tilapia, hunter of the much feared piranha?  Why, by reading this article.  It seems that Brazil is having a problem with the piranha population.  Part of the reason is because piranha have no natural predators.  But, the article also states that:

Authorities began a program to reduce piranha overpopulation and added 100,000 tilapia to the local food chain.

Authorities are ADDING TILAPIA to REDUCE THE PIRANHA OVERPOPULATION!

This can only mean one thing.  Tilapia, hunter of the much feared piranha, is an UNnatural predator.  They must be genetically engineered tilapia!  They could possibly be robotic tilapia!  I’m not sure why robot tilapia want to eat piranhas, but robot tilapia are decidedly unnatural, so it’s a possibility.  Why are authorities releasing these unnatural tilapia into the waters?  Where did they even get these things?  How did the engineer the tilapia to be able to hunt and eat the much feared piranha?  Were the scientists kept in seclusion to develop this species of tilapia?  What impact will this super tilapia have on the environment after it eats all the piranha?  Will super piranha have to be engineered to eat all the tilapia?  What of the Brazilian swimmers and sunbathers who just want to spend an afternoon at the beach?  The article doesn’t answer any of these important questions.  We should demand to know more.

Also, news agencies should hire people who know how to write less ambiguous sentences.  Possibly, they should hire people who know how to write properly in general.  I have seen far too many news stories, even from bigger media outlets, with misspelled words, poor grammar, and poor sentence structure.  What, are good writers so hard to find these days?  And here’s a better written article on what’s going on with those piranha in Brazil.