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Tag Archives: superpowers

Latent superpowers (2)

Remember the post I did a long time ago about ring powers?  Well, I finally have an update for you.  Another one of my male friends has joined the League of Married Gentleman and he’s unlocked his ring power is record time!  I assume it’s record time at least.  I don’t really have any records on this.

Anyway, my friend managed to unlock his ring power in under a year.  His ring power is that of being able to buy things on the internet without repercussions.  That’s not what he called it.  I’m paraphrasing because I don’t remember exactly what he called his power.  I think I might see him next month, so I can ask him for clarification.

As I understand it, what had happened was that his wife was talking to a friend about getting an Xbox.  My friend overheard this conversation and asked if they were considering getting an Xbox.  I believe he had wanted one for awhile.  His wife gave a general affirmative but didn’t mean to get one right away.  He didn’t realize that it was a future affirmative and ordered one on Amazon.  Tada!  Xbox arrives two days later.  His wife is surprised, but not angry.  That is important.  She is not angry that he bought an Xbox, which is not a necessity.  His ring power apparently affects his wife where she will make a suggestion to purchase some desirable and he is able to purchase said desirable and not face the wrath of his wife due to his purchasing a non-necessity.

This could be a very nice ring power for him.  He’s a nice guy too, so he probably won’t abuse it.  We’ll see.

So here are two separate instances of members of the League of Married Gentlemen unlocking their ring powers.  My online acquaintance has also discovered his ring power.  Therefore, it is verifiably true that one’s wedding ring unlocks a superpower (if you belong to the League of Married Gentlemen).

Latent superpowers (1)

A two-part post!  Haven’t had a multiple part post in a while.

I may have discovered my latent superpower.  I believe my superpower is that of suffering existential crises.

Have you ever needed to contact someone in some form or fashion but were unable to reach anyone?  And so then you had to leave a message?  And since the matter for which you contacted the other party was incredibly important, you spent a good amount of time waiting by your phone…or really just your phone since you obviously have a smartphone and people can reach you by nigh all means via your phone…hoping that the other party will reply to your query soon?  And then they don’t?  And then suspiciously all manner of other normal and fairly regular and constant communications stop (e.g. twitter)?  And then you wonder if you somehow broke something in the universe?  And that really you don’t exist because no one will call (or whatever) you back?  And that this was all a cruel game or some kind of simulation and you’re really just a figment of imagination?  Maybe even a figment of your OWN imagination?

No?  Well, neither did I until recently.  Several times.  In quick succession.  Somehow I unlocked the superpower of suffering existential crises.  Thus far, everything has gone back to normal and the universe gets fixed and I’m back running under the normal parameters of the simulation.  Or…am I?

But anyway, I will have to agree with you that this isn’t the best superpower ever.  But, I’m only just beginning to unlock it.  Maybe I can learn to control it.  Maybe I can give other people existential crises by suffering from an existential crisis myself SO. HARD. that it makes them doubt their own existence as well.  That could probably be useful in a fight with supervillains.  OH WAIT!  What if I’m the supervillain?  The superpower of suffering from existential crises is a lot more in line with supervillainy than it is with superheroism.  I MUST BE A SUPERVILLAIN THAT GIVES SUPERHEROS EXISTENTIAL CRISES BY SUFFERING FROM ONE MYSELF!

Dang.