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Tag Archives: totally true stories

Latent superpowers (1)

A two-part post!  Haven’t had a multiple part post in a while.

I may have discovered my latent superpower.  I believe my superpower is that of suffering existential crises.

Have you ever needed to contact someone in some form or fashion but were unable to reach anyone?  And so then you had to leave a message?  And since the matter for which you contacted the other party was incredibly important, you spent a good amount of time waiting by your phone…or really just your phone since you obviously have a smartphone and people can reach you by nigh all means via your phone…hoping that the other party will reply to your query soon?  And then they don’t?  And then suspiciously all manner of other normal and fairly regular and constant communications stop (e.g. twitter)?  And then you wonder if you somehow broke something in the universe?  And that really you don’t exist because no one will call (or whatever) you back?  And that this was all a cruel game or some kind of simulation and you’re really just a figment of imagination?  Maybe even a figment of your OWN imagination?

No?  Well, neither did I until recently.  Several times.  In quick succession.  Somehow I unlocked the superpower of suffering existential crises.  Thus far, everything has gone back to normal and the universe gets fixed and I’m back running under the normal parameters of the simulation.  Or…am I?

But anyway, I will have to agree with you that this isn’t the best superpower ever.  But, I’m only just beginning to unlock it.  Maybe I can learn to control it.  Maybe I can give other people existential crises by suffering from an existential crisis myself SO. HARD. that it makes them doubt their own existence as well.  That could probably be useful in a fight with supervillains.  OH WAIT!  What if I’m the supervillain?  The superpower of suffering from existential crises is a lot more in line with supervillainy than it is with superheroism.  I MUST BE A SUPERVILLAIN THAT GIVES SUPERHEROS EXISTENTIAL CRISES BY SUFFERING FROM ONE MYSELF!

Dang.

In which I am windburned

Day two of entertaining Customer involved a pontoon boat and a few bicycles.  Co-vendor was nice enough to arrange a small fishing expedition in the Wisconsin’s third largest lake and also take a couple of the guys out who didn’t feel like going fishing.  I wasn’t going to go originally.  In fact, I was trying pretty hard to coast under the radar so I wouldn’t have to go, but one of the drivers opted out at the last moment and I was volunteered to take his place.  Great.  In the end, I guess it wasn’t too bad.  There weren’t any sharks.  I saw a spider.  I made a new friend.

He hopped onto my finger after alighting onto the non-alcohol cooler (did you know you can drink alcohol in public Wisconsin?) and stuck around with me for awhile.  He flew off and came back a few times too.  I think he was just using me as a wind shield.  It was pretty windy out in the middle of the lake for awhile.  My face is slightly reddened.  I thought maybe I got a mild sunburn but since my face itches quite a bit, grampaw says I’m probably just windburned.

Anyhoo, fish were caught.  Pictures were taken.  No, I will not post them.  If you want to see them, I guess you’ll have to find me and I’ll show you in person.  Oh, it was all catch and release, as well.  A lot of catfish, a lot of sheepshead, even some small-mouth bass and perch.  Our fishing guide was quite talkative.  Grampaw thought the guide was really nosy.  I think he was just one of those people who don’t like silent spaces in conversation.

At the very end of the day, when we were disembarking from the boat, I managed to nearly fall into the water.  I was stepping down onto the dock right as it dipped and it caused me to lose my balance.  Grampaw reached out to grab me but then stopped and pulled back, WHICH I THOUGHT WAS ONE OF THE MOST HILARIOUS THINGS EVER.  EVAR.  This is because he knows that I don’t like being touched.  He even thought of this and stopped himself from grabbing me while I was in the midst of pitching myself into the water.  I didn’t, btw.  I managed to find my balance.  I saved myself.  So there.