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I’ve recently been playing a new game. I do not really have time to be playing a new game. But I have been playing this new game, nevertheless. I blame Super Secret Robot Agent Sheri, Wrist Brace Girl–Adventuress Extraordinaire.

Anyway, this new game is Don’t Starve. Um…is it in the style books to italicize game titles? I’m going to pretend game titles are like book titles and I’m going to italicize it. SO ANYWAY…

I’ve been playing this new game, Don’t Starve. It’s this adventure-y, wilderness-y, survival-y game in which the main character is an intrepid gentleman scientist named Wilson. He’s been trapped by a demon and transported to some mysterious world and now you have to help him survive.

As with any other time I start playing a game, I start seeing similarities and parallels in my normal, everyday, mundane life. This time…it’s with the main character. You see…I’m convinced that my coworker, Mr. Arachnid, is really Wilson.  Here, let me show you:

Links to source

Links to source.

Do you not see?!  It’s Mr. Arachnid wielding an axe!  Because he is being chased by spiders!  Just like in real life!

Ok, so Mr. Arachnid does not normally come into work with an axe.  I don’t think Clib security would like that.  At all.  I think they would take great umbrage to that.  But Mr. Arachnid does get chased by spiders.  Or, at least spiders and other arachnids seem to like him a lot.  There was a reprieve due to our apple deadfall (more on that another time), but we were forced to take that down and I’ve since caught/killed several spiders.  Mr. Arachnid is on high alert.

Other similarities between Mr. Arachnid and Wilson are their abilities to grow magnificent beards.  Wilson is the only character in the game that is capable of growing a beard.

Links to source.

There’s another character whom I really like that has a truly magnificent mustache, but he is unable to grow a beard.  Alas.

The thing with beards though, is that it decreases sanity.  I asked Mr. Arachnid about this and he says that I might be onto something.  I told him that shaving off the beard increases sanity by 10.  He said he’d consider it.  I think he really should consider faster and harder because I noticed the other day that he was holding his head in his hands and shaking his head.  JUST LIKE WILSON DOES WHEN HIS SANITY LEVEL STARTS TO GET LOW.  Mr. Arachnid’s beard is also becoming quite long.  It’s definitely decreasing his sanity.

I did also tell him that wearing fancy headgear would increase his sanity.  It might help make up for the beard that he’s growing.  At first, I told him that he could wear a garland made from 12 flowers, but he didn’t much like that idea.  I can’t imagine why.  But after I told him it was just fancy headgear in general that increases sanity, he thought maybe he could wear his motorcycle helmet.  Not only would that increase his sanity (his helmet is fancy because it has a small rocket depicted on it) but that it would make him much safer.

I remain convinced that Mr. Arachnid is actually Wilson, intrepid gentleman scientist.  Um, I guess that means I must live in this weird, wilderness-y world.  Maybe I’m an NPC.

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