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Daily Archives: May 22nd, 2011

The other day, Choco decided that my elbow was in need of licking.  She insisted.  A friend suggested that maybe it was because my elbow tasted delicious, and that perhaps I had an abundance of elbow grease, and you know dogs, they love grease…and stuff.  But what if they do because elbow grease is really made of lard?  I mean, lard is greasy.  But how would I get lard on my elbow?  My elbow doesn’t naturally produce lard, I assure you.  I thought about it some, and I believe I have figured out what happened and also discovered the real anatomy of a pig.

What happened: I must have elbow dropped a pig at some point in the day and just didn’t notice.  It has to be a pig, you see, because lard come from pigs.  I must have elbow dropped the pig because the pig would then pop and lard would get all over my elbow.  Pigs are really big balloons filled with lard.  But wait, you say, what about pork and ham and bacon?  Where do they come from if not from pigs?  Well, obviously they come from porks and hams and bacons.  Duh.  Didn’t you learn these things in school?  And if you don’t believe that pigs are really balloons filled with lard, then I direct you to 1:37 of this video.

You didn’t see much lard coming out of the pig because it was an immature pig and hasn’t had time to fully ripen and fill with lard.  Also, it was green so it was probably moldy and will never mature into a full lard pig anyway.  That’s why they’re expendable and used in large-scale Angry Birds games.

Anyway, there you have it.  I elbow dropped a pig without knowing it and I got lard all over my elbow, greasing it up, and that caused Choco to insist upon helping me clean it off.  She is very helpful

By the way, I have discovered another type of pig.  It must be very rare because you don’t really hear about this often, but there is a type of pig that’s filled with cheese instead of lard.  Don’t believe me?  I found existence of this pig in a restaurant.

See the first item under Rice Plates?  It says “Cheese Filled Pork Chop w/ Rice.”  You’ll have to excuse them.  They bought into the propaganda that pork comes from pigs and thus they call it a “pork chop” instead of a “slice of cheese pig balloon,” but now is not the time to nit-pick (besides, you bought into the propaganda too, don’t lie).  The cheese pig exists (and I’ve ordered it before, you should try it and be adventurous)!  By the way, if you’re ever in Irvine around the IVC area, you should drop by and get some of their snowy ice.  It’s good stuff.

But wait, you say, all that aside about pigs, how can you elbow drop something and not notice?  Oh come now, you are always hurting yourself somehow and not knowing exactly how you did so, are you not?  This is approximately the same thing.  Didn’t you learn anything in school?  Oh, well…I guess you did.  You bought into all the propaganda.

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