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If you are reasonably well connected to the outside world, you probably have heard that Osama bin Laden was killed recently by a group of Navy SEALs.  If you are slightly more curious or have a penchant for reading disreputable tabloids, you may have heard that there was a dog on that mission too.  If you looked at the topic for this post, you may think that I am going to offer my thoughts as to why the military thought it was prudent to bring a dog on the mission.  Well, I’m sorry if you think the latter because I’m not going to.  I did want to point out this picture though:

That dog, sitting and posing with dignity, is wearing doggles.  I assume those are military grade doggles.  However, I found out that doggles are also available for civilian dogs.  I think they are hilarious and if I could think of a viable reason as to why I should get them from either Choco or Yaris, I probably would.  I doubt that Choco would like them though.  She’s not terribly interested in having things on her face.  Yaris might be ok with it.  She likes to show off her accessories.

Anyway, that also is not the point.  My point is really kind of dumb.  From this Slate article, it seems that

Before buying a dog, the Pentagon tests the animal for aggression, fear of gunshots, and inclination to search. The Pentagon also gives each dog a thorough physical examination, including X-rays, to confirm that it’s in top condition.

I guess that means Yaris would not be a very good candidate to be a military dog (Choco is just too old and should live out the rest of her life in relative comfort and have plenty to eat, since it’s probably her favorite pastime, while not getting too fat).  Yaris shies away from loud or unexpected noises, so gunshots probably wouldn’t agree with her at all, and she isn’t terribly aggressive.  Aside from some whininess, she’s normally pretty mellow.  She’s pretty healthy, but I think her left hip bothers her sometimes, so she’s not really in top condition either.  The only thing she has going for her is her inclination to search.  But most of her searching is dedicated to her nemesis, the EVIL RED SPOT, or its minions, beam spots of various sizes and colors.  I…don’t think that the military is very concerned with the EVIL RED SPOT…or its minions.  So, I guess Yaris will never have a military career.  Back to the drawing board for her.

Oh, I might also mention that she isn’t very stealthy.  She and Captain Falcon could be good (and very loud) friends.  Yaris is like Princess Daisy who bellows like Captain Falcon.  So ladylike.

I can totally see Yaris announcing her sneak as she tries to sneak.  It…really wouldn’t work very well as you can see from the illustration above (btw, it’s a very funny comic).

So, I guess Yaris will never have a military career and if she wants to wear doggles, she can’t get the military grade ones.

See?  Not a very profound point.  But anyway, I direct you here.  It’s really good.

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One Trackback/Pingback

  1. […] At any rate, they’re both pretty smart dogs.  I’m sure they could be trained to unleash their respective beams to zap and/or fry zombies when necessary.  Maybe Yaris isn’t such a liability after all.  But she still wouldn’t be any good as a military dog. […]

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