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Oh, those NPCs.  Always saying the weirdest things.  In this case, our superfluous usage of quotation marks comes from one of the toads in one of the Mario RPGs.  I don’t remember which one.  But at least you know it occurred in the first half of the game because of my unusually severe final boss syndrome symptoms when playing Mario themed RPGs.

But anyway, have you ever considered what it takes to be an NPC?  It’s probably hard work coming up with non sequiturs (especially the kind that actually propels the story forward) when asked about how to get to the next castle, or whether or not the blacksmith’s spunky daughter was kidnapped by monsters that dwell in a nearby cave, or whether the potions are on sale today, or what happened to the burned out fountain in the middle of the town square, etc.  I mean, would you know to answer that the goats have been unusually restive at night, or pies are your favorite dessert, or the well at the edge of town used to have magical properties but is now dry?  You probably wouldn’t.

Coming up with just one non sequiturs that somehow unfolds the storyline is hard enough.  How about when you have to come up with a LIST of possible answers to a question a playable character asks?  And what if it’s a list that the playable character then has to choose from?  And then you, the NPC, has to be able to deliver a dissertation on that particular subject?  Even if it isn’t relevant to the storyline or gameplay?  It’s tough work, says I.

So what do you do if your fondest desire is to become an NPC?  Surely they should have some kind of trade school where you can learn these skills.  Well…huzzah!  They do!  Just inside Commerce, CA, there is an NPC College!  I know, because I often pass by the building of said college when I’m commuting to Clib.  I haven’t looked into their program or anything, since I already have a career that I am satisfied with, but I would assume they have professors or something lecturing on the theories of proper NPCing.  They probably have labs and stuff where they can do field work and get some hands-on experience.  I wonder if they have internships.  I bet they have to play this simulation game to help them learn how to interact with the really difficult playable characters.

Um…ok, so this NPC college isn’t really an NPC college.  It’s really NPCollege and I just read it wrong the first time I drove by and saw the sign.  But all that stuff above?  It’s approximately what went through my mind when I saw “NPC college.”  I kind of which there was such a thing as an NPC college.  But as it turns out, this NPC college, which is really NPCollege, is another one of those technical schools.  It looks like they specialize in…well, what you see a lot of the technical college specialize in on those TV ads of yore, with the listing of all possible programs they offer.  Sugh.

And also, I was going to draw something for this post…but I just lack the motivation to do any such thing.  So, you go doodleless.  Doo-da, doo-da…


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