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Tag Archives: superpowers

Superpower: Talking to you at the most inconvenient time to inconvenience you further

You might not think that’s a good superpower, but it actually is. If you’re a supervillain that is. And in your supervillainy ways, you’ve been made at least middle management. Preferably middle management. And your dastardly plan involves slowly destroying the morale of your employees while extracting ever more work out of them. And if one of your employees is a superhero in disguise, all the better.

Still don’t believe it’s a good superpower to have if you’re a villain? It’s true, this superpower isn’t very flashy and might not be very good in a fist fight, but if you want a long lasting career as a supervillain, you have to be subtle and you have to plan.

Think of how easily supervillains crash and burn. Actually, not just supervillains. Think about how easily mere villains crash and burn. How many of them even make it to the super status? Sure, you’ll have the plucky villains who resolutely make new plans each time their originals were dashed, but they’re basically treading water. You can’t hope to achieve fame and recognition if you’re always treading water.

And that in itself is a problem. Supervillains make themselves too vulnerable when they’re widely recognized. They’re basically a beacon to every passing superhero to come and knock them out. True supervillains have to be crafty and subtle. Hence, the middle management. They’re there to make you miserable. You, the optomistic, cheerful, spunky superhero that you are. Or the normal worker drone. Whatever. Supervillains probably are not picky about to whom they spread misery.

Think about how quickly a supervillain in middle management can upend your day when they appear out of nowhere right as you were going to go on a coffee break, or lunch break, or leave for the day, and start a long and involved discussion about something work related. And somehow, before you even realize it, you’re saddled with more work, half of which is busy work but absolutely essential to the success of the project. It will probably require days more work with overtime (which you will not be paid for because you are a salaried worker drone).

Supervillain.

Superpower.

Superpower: Developing optic blasts

At the time of this writing, my eyes hurt.  They’re kind of sore behind my eyeballs.  The eye socket area.  I can feel it especially when I look up or track objects from side to side.  I have decided that this obviously means that I’m developing a mutant ability to blast lasers out of my eyes.  Maybe the same way Cyclops can.

Actually, I kind of hope that’s not true.  Not the developing a superpower part.  I like having superpowers.  I hope that I’m not developing the same ability that Cyclops has because that would mean I would have to wear glasses all the time again.  I had LASIK done so that I wouldn’t have to wear glasses all the time.

Of course, that also brings up the question if this could be my laser heat vision starting to develop over a year after my experiment with LASIK and tomatoes.  I kind of hope this is the case.  I could totally utilize laser heat vision. It kind of sucks that I had to wait so long for laser heat vision.  And actually, I don’t even know if it’s going to develop fully because I haven’t been taking care to eat lots of tomatoes since the procedure.  I hope I didn’t ruin my chance of getting laser heat vision.

Also, I am choosing not to believe the more commonplace and more likely scenario that this is just a symptom of the flu.