Disclaimer: I believe that because I say that these are pseudo-mathematical properties, you can safely assume that I realize that these make no sense, that they would not hold up to any rigorous testing, and you could never use them in any kind of mathematical proofs.
The zooga is a pretty dastardly thing.
the zooga ∝ tired or the zooga = k(tired) where k is some constant
the zooga + anything = pretty tired
But we do know that
coffee = k/tired
so you may think that
the zooga = coffee or the zooga – coffee = 0
However,
the zooga >> coffee
And also
So…
the zooga – a lot of coffee > 0
Ergo, the zooga is a pretty dastardly thing.
Random moosages as I see fit. 
One Comment
Your chart makes me understand what you’re talking about. Even if I don’t understand your pseudo-math.
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[…] I had the worst jet lag I’ve ever had. Then because I got sick. And then because of the zooga. Well, jet lag is over. But I’ve apparently contracted some strange sort of illness. At first […]